At the other end of the alley, one of the little windows on the orphanage opened, and a small figure dropped out. Well, small, relative to normal size. Same height as me, even on the silly little stilts I was wearing. The figure padded down the alley in the direction of where we were lurking. Since we'd been watching the orphanage for a several days, trying to find a suitable candidate, I was fairly sure it was who we wanted.

I'd had to spend several days, looking for a "suitable" candidate that the sword would accept, and now had to turn it over in a "proper mystic atmosphere" which was why I was dressed like some blind mystical wacko. "Hail, Cho..." the sword began, as I stepped out, since it decided I wouldn't sound mysterious and mystical enough.

"Get away from me, pervert!" the orphan screamed, and kicked out at where my shin would have been, but was currently one of the stilts. Which went straight out from under me and out the back of the robe, leaving me balanced precariously on the other one, then the orphan took off the other way down the alley.

The sword started screaming come back, while I tried once to hop after the orphan, rather ineffectually, since I landed on the edge of the robe and ended up landing rather in an undignified heap on my front. Wrapped in a wet, stinky robe, with a sword still trying to get the orphan to come back. "Oh shut up," I told it, "You're the one that scared the kid off."

"But I don't understand, I was offering the child the honor of..."

"Just be quiet, okay?" I said, noticing a head peeking around the corner.

The head noticed me notice it, and disappeared again. I tunneled out from underneath the robe, then flung the other stilt into a pile of garbage at the side of the alley. The head was still gone, so I went out the entrance of the alley I'd been lurking in, and circled around the buildings. The kid wasn't peeking around the corner any more, but when I did so, I saw that the orphan was up, looking at the smelly robe. I'm not sure what would be surprising about somebody leaving the nasty thing behind, personally.

At any rate, even with the slippery wet streets, I managed to sneak up undetected behind the kid. I reached out and tapped the kid on the shoulder, and he promptly took off. "Chase him!" the sword urged.

"Be quiet. He's taller than me, and probably faster."

The sword was still grumbling, to which I paid no attention, since I wasn't going to be able to catch the kid, at this point. However, there was still a temptingly open window where the kid had come from, and like I'd said, I was shorter than him. Although better dressed, but that could be dealt with easily. I started climbing.

The window creaked back open, up above, and a figure slipped in. The occupants of the other beds, if they deserved such names, the beds that is, not the occupants, the occupants were kids, the beds were barely napkins on a frame of toothpicks, slept uninterruptedly. I remained still on the cot I was on. The kid approached the bed, presumably his, and when he got there, I sat up, put a hand around his mouth, grabbed an arm, and basically dragged him out of the room while he was surprised. Before he started kicking and screaming, I let him go and tossed the sword crosswise at his chest. "There you go, kid. You've just been selected to get an ancient magic sword. Now you're destined to be a hero or something, and I do quite understand why you would be trying to avoid it. Have fun."

"Heroine," he...err, she replied, "And I'm not a kid. I'm practically fifteen."

"You would give me to a girl-child?" the sword exclaimed.

One raggedy kid looks like any other, at least until they start getting curves or whatever, so how was I supposed to know? But I wasn't going to say that, in front of her, or she might leave me with the sword again. "Right, sorry, heroine. Don't need to warn you about how useless the general type of princesses that need rescuing are, then," then I looked down at the sword, which she'd reflexively caught, and said, "Yes, I would. Will. Am. Move with the times. Females can do pretty much anything a guy can do. Except pee standing up."

I turned back to the orphan, who was looking rather bemused by the whole thing. "Pretend this is some fancy mysterious mystical something-or-other. Oh, and don't listen to it too much, it's about a thousand years out of date on current events, and a teensy bit obsessive."

Evidently, the image presented by a three-foot tall soaking wet ferret babbling about heroes and magic swords was sufficient to confuse her. Taking advantage of that, before she could come to her senses and vanish, and leave me stuck with the sword, I carried on. "Well, you two should get along fine, you've got a promising heroic career ahead of you, look me up sometime when you're rich and sharing the wealth. You're charged to go be heroic and rescue kittens from trees or whatever, by the power vested in me as a wet mysterious mystical stranger type person. Have fun."

Now, before any one else woke up, or either of them recovered enough to think up a valid complaint, I was out of there. Up and out the window, then down the wall and away down the alley. I'm sure the two of them would get along swimmingly. Mind broadening experience for both of them and all that. It'd work out of course, it was Destiny or somesuch.

And after all that, all I had were a few ancient silver coins, and not even the kind that collectors offer ridiculous amounts for. Still, I bet they'd shine up nice...