Distant Fire

                            By:

                         Fox Cutter

12/26/97:

    Chapter 1

I awoke with a sudden jerk, kicking the covers off my legs
and over the side of the bed. Taking a series of quick,
short breaths I tried to take my bearings. I had been
dreaming, far stronger then any before, yet still the same
dream as always.

It was the same dream of a fight between me and a wolf, it
was clearly a wolf this time. We were viciously in our
attacks against the other. I was choking him, crushing his
windpipe under my thumbs. He was digging at my face with
bloody fingers, his claws gone, ripped away just minutes
before.

I still didn't know who he was, or why we were trying to
kill each other, but each time I dreamed it became a little
bit sharper in my mind's eye. Past the blur of images it
started as and closer to something real.

I couldn't help wondering if this was the hole in my mind I
had told myself about, or not. There was so much about all
of this I didn't understand.

Sighing I pulled myself into a sitting position on the bed.
"Zen, what time is it?"

There was a slight pause, for effect only. "It's six fifteen
in the morning," the computer chirped back.

Far to early to get up, but I doubted that I would be able
to go back to sleep. That left me the option of laying
around in bed for a few hours, or getting up and doing some
make-work until there was something real for me to do.

I could think of a lot of little things that could be done.

Swinging out of the bed I ordered Zen to turn on the lights.
The computer brought them up slowly as I wondered around the
room. It would take almost ten minutes before they where at
there normal strength.

I prepared a small breakfast, using some fruit I had brought
up from the ships garden the night before. I also took the
pill that Oria had told me I needed to take every day.
Apparently she had some kind of hormone imbalance that she
had inherited from her grandmother. The pill was needed to
correct it. I wasn't told what the problem was, in fact I
only was told because I needed to take the pills.

Picking up one of the PADDs that seemed to lay around
anyplace I lived I called up the schedule for the day,
mulling over it as I ate. There was very little in it that
was hard and fast. The main points were that Page and
Terminus would be meting us in a touch over three hours,
soon after we would cross through the Mega-fold and start
are way towards Earth.

Which left a bit of a blank spot in my plans. We had taken a
later start then I had hopped, being delayed about eight
hours before we could finally break orbit around the Krein
base. An extra day though didn't matter by very much.
Grasion was still letting one hostage leave every other day,
he would still be there when we returned.

During the past few days both Oria and I have grown a little
more familiar with are changed selves. Oria was spending a
lot of time reading, or talking to Ken. She wasn't as shaken
as before, now she seemed more relaxed, willing to just wait
it out until Ken could find a way to switch us back.

I, on the other paw, had been doing some experimentation
with Oria's body. It's been interesting to say the least,
not as of what I had expected, but nothing that's really
been a surprise to me. The most enjoyable part was last
night. I had (with Oria's more then willing permission)
spent a few hours with Ken.

Past that though, there hasn't been too many changes in how
I've thought of myself. The mental change of sex has come
quite easily to me. Easier then it had for Oria, who had
admitted to me that she was still dealing with it.

My main worry of late though was the hole I had informed
myself about. I had searched my mind over the past few days
trying to find any clue as to what, and where, the hole was.
So far though, all my memories have been as I had expected.

As per my advice, I had turned to Ken for help, telling him
all about the flash forward. He had nodded, his eyes looking
stern and rubbing the underside of his muzzle with his
claw-fingers, but informed me that he didn't wish to delve
into my head.

Finally, after much verbal ping-pong he relented and agree
to look into it. Though admitting that he wasn't to sure how
a person could have a 'hole' in there mind.

Still though, something seemed wrong somehow, and the longer
I though about it the strong that wrongness grew. I had the
feeling that Ken knew exactly what I was looking for, that
he knew and wasn't going to tell me about it. I was starting
to wonder if he had something to do with it in the first
place, but that also didn't seem to be very accurate.

I really was a confusing mess. One which I wasn't sure how
to handle. So much right now was riding on Ken's shoulders
that I didn't want to tell him my worries. That was for
later, after Oria and I were set to rights. Then I could
really drill him about what I was looking for.

The room buzzed softly to get my attention. Looking up from
my breakfast I asked, "What is it Zen?"

"Sense you're up," he chirped, "Ken would like to see you
about the spell."

I smiled softly, Ken was never one to waste his own time.
"Where at?"

"In the ship's gym."

Ken had been doing some tests to see how much of our skills
had changed with our minds. He explained that he was 'trying
to get a barring on how much has actually been transposed'.

Standing up, I stretched my arms. "Tell him I'll be there in
ten minutes."

"Happy to oblige," Zen replied, then clicked off as he went
to relay the message to Ken.

With a slight smile, I dressed.

* * *

Fox has said his keep on his views of how well I had been
adapting to being in his body. Now I feel up to saying
exactly how I felt about the switch.

It was a great way to screw with someone's mind.

Sense I had woke up I had to deal with the fact that
everything I had gotten used to about myself was suddenly
wrong. My height, weight, muscle tone, the lack of a tail,
claws and all of the rest.

It has taken a great force of will not to run scream around
the ship, though it's less of a force with each passing
hour. I fear though that I may become to used to his body,
to willing to have it be mine, that my own shape feels
foreign.

A place at which Fox seems to already be. He has found it
very easily, at least publicly, to adapt to the new form. He
actually seems more willing to wear a bra then I ever had
been in my life. A fact which I think has escaped him thus
far.

He seems so comfortable with my body that he asked me if he
could have sex with Ken. Actually, he asked me directly
first, but I am not ready to experience that side of being a
man. I really was more then happy to let him do what he
wanted, though his asking me wasn't necessary (though I did
appreciate it).

I, on the other hand, had found hard to adapt to some of the
subtleties of the form. I've ended up spending to much of my
time in the morning trying to find something to wear. Fox's
taste in clothing has always been a little shallow, but I
never realized by how much until I saw what he had brought
with him.

Much to my own surprise I've found that I can look rather
good in this body, even better then Fox does normally. Kind
of a strange thought to think of, but even Fox admitted it!

One important thing though, all of what has been going on
has distracted me from the what happened before, and the man
I had assassinated back on the moon base. Even if the
reasons for his death were sound, the action of killing him
left my soul heavy.

Strange though, I had not thought of his death as murder,
and every time I tried to call it that I knew that it
wasn't. Somewhere in my mind a difference between murder and
assassination had been formed. It was an unpleasant gap in
my reasoning, and one that left me open to admitting it was
something allowable.

I couldn't wait to return to my body and go to my Temple, I
was going to need another Expulsion for my sins.

For now though, I've talked to much about what has happened
before, for now I should focus on what happened the day we
crossed the Mega-fold and started for Earth, and how it
shattered Fox.

It was about seven in the morning, ships time (which was
Earth time as well). The hallway lights had just brightened
from the end of the ship's night cycle. I was up, and had
been up, for the past few hours. I had sleep soundly but
earlier in the night then anyone else. Leaving me awake for
the early morning hours.

"Oriana!" Ken called, walking up next to me as I went down
the hall.

I smiled at him, "Any progress on the spell?"

He nodded, flexing his wings slightly. "Yes, a lot in fact.
I want to test some of your reflexes though. After that I
should had it isolated enough to start some serious work
into the perimeters of the spell."

I nodded, not really understand exactly what he was planing,
but knowing that it was a step closer to getting Fox and
myself back to normal.

"What kind of tests?" I asked, working to keep pace with his
longer stride.

He smiled. "Reflexes, as I said. I'm going to be throwing
things at you and Fox for about an hour."

I couldn't help but laugh. "When do you want to do this?"

"Right now. Both you and Fox are up and she's already on her
way to meet us in the gym. I was about to have Zen summon
you, but that seems to be less of an issue now."

I rolled my eyes. Ken would want to do the strange things at
the strangest times. He assumed if both Fox and I were free
it would be the perfect time to get us together for some
thing or another. It was annoying, but hasn't being to much
of a inconvenience.

"Ok, I'm not planing to do anything that can't be put off
for an hour or so." I said, turing down an intersecting
hallway that lead closer to the gym.

Ken smiled and walked next to me for the few minutes it took
to reach the gym. Fox was already there waiting for us. She
was sitting on a bench in the side of the room, though
sitting the long way on the bench, taking all of it up.

Some how, she had found a pair of pants that hung lose on
her hips, the shirt she had on was the same way. Her hair
pulled back in a lose ponytail. Frankly looked like she
always did, weather a man or women.

As we entered, she hopped off the bench and walked towards
us. "How ya doing Oria?" She asked, holding her paws behind
her back.

I nodded. "As well as I can all things considered."

She nodded, then turned to Ken. "So, what type of test are
you planning for today?"

"Reflexes." He responded.

"He's going to be throwing things at us." I added, smiling.

She smiled back, shaking her head. "Nothing to painful I
hope."

Ken returned the smile, spreading his wings slightly. "When
have I ever let you down."

Fox's face suddenly faded, the expression vanishing as her
eyes became unfocused. She stood there for a few seconds,
swaying gently, before starting to fall forward.

Both Ken and I jumped for her, but she caught herself,
slamming one leg forward as her eyes refocused.

"Fox?" Ken asked, reaching towards him.

She raised a paw, closing her eyes, the look on her face
still neutral. After a few seconds she opened her eyes
again, looking at me, then to Ken. Turning, she quickly
walked over the weight bench in the corner. Picking up the
barbell, she walked back over to us.

"Fox?" Ken asked again, looking very concerned.

She smiled at him, a smile which grew wider, showing all of
her teeth. A smile that could only be described as pure
hatred. A growl was growing in the back of her throat as her
ears laid flat in her hair.

With a twist, and a lunge forward, she brought the end of
the barbell up, connected it with a loud crack on the
underside of the Ken's muzzles. Snapping his mouth closed
and sending him sprawling on his tail.

Fox was crying now, tears matting down her cheeks. Again she
swing her weapon, smashing it with an crunch against Ken's
ribs. Then dropped it at his side.

"How dare you," she hissed. I could hear how much she was
controlling her voice, her words almost a scream. "What ever
gave you the right to do that to me you son of a bitch! All
this time, you lied to me, you fucked with my head! You
fucking bastard!" With that said she kicked him on the ribs,
the same place as before, then ran out of the gym.

I stood in shock for a few seconds before telling Zen to get
Jadith as fast as he could.

I wanted to know what had really just happened.

-----

This story is (c) 1998 by Fox Cutter, hardcopy reprints
limited to one a person, all other rights reserved. This
story may not be distributed for a fee except by permission
of the author, and this copyright notice may not be removed.