Outclassed By: Fox Cutter 10/31/1999: I sat on my haunches in my full lioness form, my eyes closed as I tried to concentrate on my large paws. Milgrove was sitting in front of me, watching me closely, hir breathing regular and nearly matching mine. Rhea was at my side, almost touching me. She was there both for moral support, and to translate for me, as I could talk to her but I don't have the knack of talking to others like she can. With some deliberation, I slowed my breathing, focusing all my attention onto my paws. Blocking out everything else in the world, I tried to make the limb change shape. Stubbornly, it remained a paw, not even a hair on it twitching to a different color. I let out a sigh as I opened my eyes, looking at Milgrove. The squirrel-morph was disappointed; sie had been sure that this new lesson would be what I needed to learn how to control my shifting powers. With a shake of my head, I curled my paws up against the floor, mindful that my large claws didn't cut the carpet. Oriana wouldn't have cared too much for that, not that she was even there. She was off doing her final exam for the Guild. Ravindar was with her, leaving Santhara to watch over me. ::You'll get it soon,:: Rhea said in the mental language that she and I had in common. ::You were almost there, I could feel it.:: ::I'm glad one of us can,:: I snapped in reply. ::Could you tell Mil that I think I'm done for the day?:: I wasn't really in the mood to do this anymore. The whole point of the exercise wasn't for me to learn my abilities, not today. It was to keep my mind off Oriana, <> Rhea said, switching to the language that everyone could hear. <> Milgrove nodded, brushing hir hair from hir eyes. "I think that would be a good idea," sie said and rose to her feet. "I'm going to get something to drink, do you want anything?" <> she replied. Sie nodded, and slipped out of the room. I sighed and shook my head. ::I wanted to stop,:: I told her. She shrugged her shoulders and flicked her ears back, ::You give up to easily, Fox. You need to master this.:: ::Hardly,:: I snapped as I lowered my chin to the ground. ::This has been a thorn in my side since I got soul sick. In the last three months, I haven't learned a single thing about how to shift. I'm starting to doubt that I ever will.:: She snorted and shook her large head. ::As I said, giving up. You do have a tendency to do that, and get sulky...:: ::I'm not sulking,:: I replied, my ears lowering slightly. I thought about that for a few seconds, and let out a heavy sigh. ::Alright, I am sulking. But I don't think I can learn how to do this.:: She nodded and shifted herself until her weight was against my side. Bending her head down, she started to nuzzle at my cheek. ::You never did get in touch with your instincts, except for the times when you let me out.:: I glanced up at her, looking into her gray eyes. ::That wasn't an accident either. I'm not the animal here, you are.:: ::Oh bullshit,:: she said, emphasizing it with a gentle bite to my ear. ::You are an animal, just like I am and you know it. You just choose to hide from it, and that might be why you can't shift.:: I snorted and pulled slightly away from her. ::I may be an animal, but I'm hardly just like you. I don't choose to blindly follow a bunch of myths.:: Rhea let out a snarl, and recaptured my ear, holding it firmly in her sharp teeth. I tried to pull away, but she held me firm and any movement on my part sent a jolt of pain through my head. I winced, and relaxed slightly, trying to ease the pain. ::I did it for our children, and if you had any strength in your soul you would have done the same,:: she said, the low growl at the back of her throat punctuating her anger. ::I don't have a soul,:: I replied with a growl of my own. This was an argument we had already had a few times since she had allowed herself to be blessed along with the children. It had mostly been a few snide comments until now, but this was the first time I had been a lioness, and she clearly felt that it allowed her to be more physical with me. ::If you don't have a soul, how come you have to take this form? How could you get soul sick?:: she replied. I snorted, ::I don't know, and neither does Ken, but no matter what the name is, it doesn't give me a soul.:: Rhea shook her head, tugging on my ear once more. ::Your instincts tell you otherwise; you just keep hiding it. I know I have a soul because I'm so close to it, just like I know never to give up. It's all in the instincts. If you explored that part of yourself, you would know that!:: ::How do you know I haven't?:: I demanded. She let go of my ear, and let out a loud chuff. ::Because if you had, you wouldn't be curled up here like a cub! You would have fought me, you would have done something to get away.:: she said with a touch of exasperation as she bent down to lick my ear. I harrumphed, but said nothing. "Are you two done playing?" Milgrove asked. Rhea lifted her head, and nodded happily. The squirrel came into the room carrying a pair of large steel bowls. Sie set one down in front of Rhea and the other in front of me. We both bent down to start lapping the water. It was a strange way to drink, and I had to repeatedly stop myself from trying to suck up the water, which wouldn't work in my current form. I was decently good at the lapping, having needed to master the skill to survive as a lioness. Not that I really had to try, the body was wired for it in the first place. Mil sat down in front of us, hir legs crossed under hirself as sie watched us drink. "I have an idea, if you're willing to try it." sie said. I flicked my ears forward, and gave her a short nod. It had been her idea to try the shifting as a full lioness, as it was my natural form. It had sort of worked. I felt I had come closer than I ever had before, but still nothing had come of it. "If you could feel what I feel when I shift, you could strive for that when you shift," sie told us, reaching out to touch my head. ::It might be worth a try, if it can be done,:: I said to Rhea, who passed it on to the squirrel. I didn't even bother to lift my head from the water. Sie smiled, "I think it can be done, but I'm going to need a little help. Are you up for it?" I sat back on my haunches, licking the last of the water from my whiskers. Sie looked excited by this idea, like sie was sure that it would work this time. Just like sie had been sure of the last few of hir ideas. I snapped my head around when I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, I was surprised to see Ken walking into the room. A few feet behind him came a feline that I hadn't seen before. An ocelot by the look of him, with silver fur that contrasted with the brown of the three piece suit he wore. ::Ken, what are you doing here?:: I asked, but Rhea didn't relay the message. Instead, she rose to her feet to nuzzle at the dragon's legs. "How are you doing Fox?" he asked as he came over to us. I shrugged my shoulders. ::I'm doing fine,:: I said. "That's good to know. I hope you don't mind my stopping by, but when I called, Santhara told me you were in your lioness form. I thought it might be a good idea to check up on you." ::What kind of check up?:: I asked the dragon through Rhea. "I want to insure that there are no lingering effects from your soul sickness," the ocelot said, taking a step around Ken. I tilted my head, lowering my ears slightly as I took him in. He smelled, not in a bad way, not like body odor. It was a subtle smell, something like after shave. Of course, he didn't actually need to shave. Whatever it was, it was subtle enough that I wouldn't have noticed it if I had been in any other form. ::He helped save you when you were sick,:: Rhea said in explanation. I nodded, and glanced at Ken, then motioned towards the ocelot with my head. He smiled and pulled at his suit. "I should introduce myself. My name is Cardinal Peabody, but everyone calls me Pope." he said, sounding a little puffed up. <> Rhea said. ::Yes, it is,:: I said with a small smile. Rhea walked back to me, brushing up against my side. ::Should he check you now, or should we wait a bit?:: she asked me. I lowered my head slightly, ::Let's get it over with.:: Pope nodded, having heard my message relayed through Rhea, and settled on his knees at my side, unbuttoning his suit on the way down. He reached out and touched the side of my head with one paw. The other paw slipped down the fur of my side and under my body to press into my belly. "Just relax," he said as his fingers started to grow warm. ::How can I relax when a strange man has his paws all over me,:: I told my sister as I could feel the warmth wiggle into me. Rhea chuffed softly, ::I thought that was one of your fantasies.:: A shiver ran through my body as his magical fingers touched something deep inside of me. A strange coldness rushed over me as the warmth wrapped around something in the core of my being. Rhea leaned close to me, her breath warm against my face. ::That is your soul, Fox. You feel it now, you can see how true it is.:: I snorted as the warmth started to slip away from me. ::Maybe,:: I said, not having a better explanation. She snorted, ::I'm going to convince you of your soul, Fox, I promise you that. I'll even get you to accept your instincts.:: ::You can try,:: I replied as Pope's touch pulled away from me. I gave my head a shake once it was gone, trying to get rid of the residues of the magic. I wanted to chew at the fur on my belly as well, but that would have been rude in front of company. "You're doing fine," the Ocelot said, "If anything your soul is stronger than before. As long as you regularly return yourself to your true form, the soul sickness shouldn't be an issue." ::Good,:: I replied. I never wanted to experience anything like that again in my life. He smiled and stood back up, closing his suit with practiced ease. "I'll keep an eye on you, just to make sure that you don't relapse." ::I won't,:: I told him through Rhea. "Good," he replied. Milgrove smiled at all of this, not having moved from hir spot on the floor. "Shall we move onto what brought us here in the first place?" sie asked. ::Certainly,:: I replied. Sie nodded, looking up at Ken, "Do you have your spell ready?" He smiled, "Of course." "Good," sie replied as sie stood up. "To do this properly I'm going to have to do the same shift that you are. So if you don't mind, I'm going to have to strip." Santhara shifted uncomfortably in the doorway, but said nothing. Pope adjusted his tie slightly and glanced at Ken. "We'll step outside," he said and started for the door. I smiled as I watched the two men walk out of the room. Santhara followed them, closing the door behind her. "How about you two?" Milgrove asked as sie pulled off hir shirt. Rhea shrugged, <> I wanted to object to that, but before I could get a word out, I realized that she was correct, at least for the moment. Milgrove smiled softly as sie continued to remove hir clothing. In a minute sie was down to the fur on hir back. Crouching down on all fours, sie looked closely at us, and started to shift. Hir body moved, twisting around as hir fur changed color, mass appearing out of nowhere and filling out hir body. Soon, where the squirrel once stood was now a non- morphic lioness who was as always, a hermaphrodite. ::We'll go when you are ready,:: I told hir. Sie sat there, tilting hir head slightly, and pawed softly at the floor. ::I don't think sie can hear us,:: Rhea said. I nodded. <> Rhea asked. Milgrove nodded. Rhea rose to her feet and walked up to the door, knocking on the surface with a paw. <> she called out in a sing-song tone. She walked back to me as the door opened, and the two men came back into the room. Ken walked over to stand between Milgrove and myself. "I need one of you on each side," he instructed. We both rose to our feet, and walked to stand next to Ken. Milgrove was a little unstable on her paws, unfamiliar with the style of motion. It was a contrast to the grace that Rhea and I both had, though my twin had a lot more of it than I did. Ken placed one of his paws on each of our heads, pressing his fingers through the fur until he touched our scalps. He started to whisper the words of a spell under his breath, and in moments I felt a tingling all over my body. It grew in to something like a new body, covering my own, but not the same size as me. It was a strange experience, as it didn't move when I moved, but matched Milgrove's small twitches and moves. Then sie started to shift, and it was an incredible feeling. I didn't just watch hir body starting to shift, but I felt it as well, every moment of it. It wasn't just the physical feelings of the change, but other feelings as well, something deep inside that I felt when I shifted, but not in the same way. Sie moved slowly, the change taking longer than it normally should have, and I felt every part of it. Every shift of muscles, of bones, as hir extra mass faded away into nothing. Soon the change had completed, leaving a morphic lioness in hir place. Sie panted softly, covering hirself with hir paws as sie regained hir composure. "Did you get all that?" sie asked. I nodded, pulling away from Ken's touch. "Ready to try it on your own?" sie asked. ::As ready as I will ever be,:: I said with a shrug, closing my eyes as Rhea relayed the message. I concentrated on my paws, doing what I had been doing for months before. This time I tried to guide it, to recreate the feeling I had just received from Milgrove. I narrowed my focus, bringing everything to a tight point. And they shifted! I opened my eyes, looking down at my paws, seeing that they had become proper paws, with fingers and palms and claws. They weren't perfect, in fact they were partly distorted, and misshapen, but they had changed. Then with a snap that felt like a rubber band breaking in my mind, the control fell away, and they returned to normal lion's paws. In addition, I had a killer headache. "Good job," Milgrove said, reaching out to pet my head. ::I told you not to give up,:: Rhea said smugly. I nodded, my head swimming from the pain. Without warning, I felt a pair of strong arms around my neck, hugging me tightly. "I knew you could do it!" Oria said as she buried her face against me. I licked the side of her face as my mind cleared. If she was back, that meant the test was over. If the test was over... The last time she had taken this test, she had tried to fail, and ended up passing. Was it too much to hope that now that she was trying to pass, she would fail? ::Did you get in?:: I asked her, through Rhea. My wife nodded her head. "I did even better than last time." I cocked my head to the side. It would have been a lie to say that I was happy about this. I hadn't even bothered to hide that from her, and I could tell from the look on her face that she knew how I was feeling. ::I need the pendent,:: I told Milgrove, who was by now half dressed. Sie didn't know what the test had been about, and was doing hir best to ignore it. Once sie got hir pants pulled on sie fished out my pendent. The single white stone in the dragon's claws flashed in the light as sie draped it over my neck. In a short moment, I was back to my human self, and fully clothed thanks to one of Ken's spells. I stood, stretching out my arms, and arching my back. "It feels good to be bipedal again," I said with a smile. Oria smiled and kissed me full on the lips, wrapping her arms around me. I threaded my arms behind her back as I returned the kiss. We stood there for a few moments, with everyone watching us and neither of us cared at all. "A least this time it's what you wanted," I told her as I broke the kiss. "It's better then the last time." "Somewhat better," she said with a soft sigh, reaching out to touch my beard. I smiled at her and stroked my hand down her tail until the tuft was in my fingers. I played with it for a bit as I tried to think of what I wanted to say next. There was so much I wanted to say, but half of it I had already told her, and the other half I shouldn't say in front of company. My mind struggled with what to say, and finally fell to the obvious, "Have you met Pope?" I asked, motioning towards the ocelot. She nodded, glancing him over, "Yes, but I never caught his name before." He took a step forward, a smile on his muzzle. "My name actually is Cardinal Peabody, but everyone calls me Pope." "Why do they call you that?" she asked, glancing between him and Ken. He shrugged, "It's a long story, and shouldn't be discussed in mixed company." She smiled and ran her fingers down my back. "It's nice to finally know your name," she told him, "and it's nice to see you again, Ken." Ken nodded. "We came over to look in on Fox, and to help a little with his training," he said. "I'm glad to see that it worked," she replied. I chuckled, "Don't get too excited, Hon. That was the first time I've managed to do anything." "But you can build off of that," Milgrove said, having changed back to hir normal squirrel self. "It's a good start. I'll be back in a few days, and we can work on it some more. Keep practicing," sie said, touching my shoulder. "I will," I told hir, smiling at hir as sie left the room. Ken glanced at us, and gave a short nod. "Pope and I should be going as well. We have something we have to get to." The ocelot looked surprised at this, but seemed to understand a moment later. "Yes, I suspect that we do," he said. A moment later both of them left the room, leaving just the bodyguards, Rhea, and us. "Oriana was very impressive," Ravindar said with a relaxed look, and a small smile on his face. "She exceeded all that I expected of her." I smiled, "Of course, she's very good at that sort of thing." She nodded, and touched my side, "Not that you approve," she said. "Of course not, how could I?" The words sounded hostile, but they came out rather quietly. "But we're past that now, and we've had this discussion a dozen times before. Just be sure you can live with what you do." She nodded, but held her tongue. "Do you have to start over with the five..." I trailed off, I was going to say 'hits' but that was the wrong word. It was to crude, even if that was what it was, She nodded, "Five contracts, yes. I think I've already found one, but I need to do some research on the target." I sighed, "That fast?" "It's best to do the first job as soon as possible. It helps introduce an Apprentice to the realities of the business," Ravindar said. "She's familiar with them," I replied with a shrug, tickling the tip of my wife's tail. She stifled a giggle and pulled her tail out of my hand. "Don't do that!" I shrugged and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her close to me. "Why not? I'm your husband, I'm allowed to tease you!" I said as I tickled her side again. Oria pulled away from me, this time failing to suppress a laugh. "Isn't this supposed to be a serious conversation?" I snorted. "Hardly. There's no use in getting mad. Maybe I'm a little frustrated, but there isn't anything new to add to the conversation. I hate that you are back in the Guild, that you are wearing that dagger over your heart again. I love you to death, and the fact that this risks your life makes me sick. I don't want to see you hurt. I don't want to lose you. I would give up my life to keep you safe, and to know that you are throwing yourself into danger like this, it... it... it... It's to late to tell you do not to do this, and I should have before. I know I told you this before, and I know it didn't change things before, and it won't change anything now. I would kill to keep you safe, it doesn't matter who and I know I said I wouldn't have anything to do with you and the Guild, but that's not true. I will do anything you need of me just to keep you safe." The words just fell out of me, unexpected, and unplanned. Oriana's brow furrowed as she took in everything that I had said, her eyes narrow as she looked intently at me. "I understand," she said in a soft voice. I returned her look as my shoulders shook softly. "Just... put the insignia someplace other than over your heart. It's too obvious, it marks you out. Just hide it someplace, on your sleeve or something." "I will, Love," she said her voice fading even more. I pulled her into a tight hug, nuzzling at her neck for a few moments. Pulling back I looked deep into her green eyes. She looked back at me, her eyes locking onto mine for a few moments before pulling away. "I love you," she said, almost whispering. I smiled. "I love you, too," I replied, reaching out to touch the side of her muzzle. We stood there for a moment longer, before we both turned away from one another. I sighed, my eyes locking on Rhea, who had been watching all of this in silence. "I think I'm going to slip back to all fours, just for the night." "All right, love," she said, her voice echoing between our backs. With a gulp, I pulled my arms around myself and walked out of the room. Rhea followed a few feet behind. To my surprise, Ravindar stayed in the room with my wife. For the first time since we got married, I felt closed out of an important part of my wife's life, a part that I would never be able to see inside of. Nor did I ever want to. -------- This story is copyright 2004 by Fox Cutter. Hardcopy reprints limited to one per person, all other rights reserved. This story may not be distributed for a fee except by permission of the author, and this copyright notice may not be removed.