What's Left to Believe in?

                            By:

                         Fox Cutter

08/05/98:

In the end the grand experiment was a success. Oria and I
seem to work well sleeping together, sharing a room, and I
guess officially being a couple. We were now in the process
of moving our things into the master bedroom.

I was the only person in the house currently. Oriana was off
at the Guild, they had apparently found something about by
dark mirror and though she should know right away. Sora had
left to track down Malia for some more technical help.
Rachel was off some place again, as always, sense she moved
in she seemed to only sleep here. The rest of her time was
being taken up by other things.

Naomi was off to see the doctors again, just as she had done
almost every other day. They were concerned about how much
of her body was still accelerated, even the pregnancy. Her
species have nearly a year long gestation period. She was
already starting to show.

I sighed, grabbing some of my stuff and walked over to the
dresser. With two moves so soon after each other I found a
lot of things I though I had lost. A few earrings I never
even know I had, and even my collar. Which I had last worn
the day I had found Naomi... after that I just never bother
to put it back on.

I put most of it in the dresser, getting my stuff in the
drawer organized. I felt a slight chill flow over my spine,
causing me to look up into the mirror. There was nothing
there, but some how though, something felt familiar.

Turning around I looked towards the same spot I had while
starting at the mirror. I had this sudden feeling of being
inside a dream, where you know your in a dream but just
can't understand it.

With a sudden snap I remember why this was so familiar. This
was the other side of my flash forward from back when I was
in Oria's body. Damn, I couldn't remember what the hell I
said to myself. Actually I guess it didn't matter, whatever
I say here would be what I remembered later.

"Fox," I said, "I know you're here, I remember this."

That shiver down my spine came again, stronger this time.

I paused for a few seconds, giving my past self time to
react. Licking my now suddenly dry lips I continued.
"Listen, you are flashing forward a few months in time. We
still don't know why. It's important though, you need to
know this."

I stopped again, I remember exactly what I said next. It's
one of the few things anyone could say to me and immediately
get my total and undivided attention.

"There's a hole in your mind."

My memories of the original flash forward were become
stronger. This was the point where I was wondering what I
was talking about.

"Ken will know about it." I explained, hell, he caused in
the first place. "You have to ask his help. He may not be
willing, but he'll give it."

What was the next question I tried to ask... oh yes, why
couldn't I just tell myself, I still wish I could have, but
I didn't, so I couldn't.

I sighed, "Because when I was on your side I didn't. It will
make some kind of sense soon. Just think over you're past
adventures, before you where exiled. Look for a place were
your memories don't match with what you remember
remembering."

Ok, there's enough double talk for one memory. I felt the
tingle over my spin fade as the flash forward ended. Talk
about working without a net, anything I did I would remember
and anything I remembered I did. I could just feel a paradox
coming on. I just hoped this was the only time I talked to
myself like this.

I flopped down onto the bed, stretching out over the sheets.
The strange part was I that when I first flashed forward I
was in my room at the old house, but with some differences.

It might have had something to do with how memories are
dealt with. How ever I had flashed forward to this memory I
must have remembered I was in my room. At the time my room
was the one at the old house, so I saw that, along with any
other changes that I took note of directly.

I blew through my teeth, it sounded like a subject for a
doctorate paper. The kind that have titles almost as long as
the paper itself. Something like 'Stored memory and the
phenomenon of flashbacks in Naturals with the effects of
temporal inversion'. No... that's just to short to do the
job.

While trying to come up with a title that would need a
second page just to hold I was interrupted by a soft knock
on the door.

"Yes," I asked, looking up. I was expecting anyone.

It was Naomi, she was standing in the door, looking pretty
shaken. I sat up as she came over to the bed, sitting down
next to me.

"What's wrong?" I asked her, resting one of my hands on her
shoulder.

She turned around and hugged me close to her, crying softly
as she did. I hugged her back, holding her just as close and
patting her softly as her crying grew stronger.

Eventually she pulled away from me, whipping her muzzle
clean. "Dad," she whispered.

I nodded.

"Why?" She asked.

I shook my head. "I don't know."

She took in a ragged breath, shaking her head. "Look at me,
I'm a women, I'm going to be a mother."

I remained quiet.

"I'm still a child... I shouldn't be this, not now." She
said, "I just wake up one day to find out that I'm
twenty-four and pregnant, when just days before I was a
child."

She looked to me. "What am I suppose to do. I'm not ready
for this!"

"I know."

She sighed, sniffling softly. "They talk to me like I'm an
adult, telling me all about what's going on. It hurts, I
don't understand any of it." She fell back into a hug with
me. "What am I suppose to do Dad?"

I ran my hand over the back of her head. "I don't know,
learn I guess. You're not alone, you have me and Oriana and
everyone else. We'll always be here to help."

"It wasn't suppose to happen like this was it?" She asked,
nuzzling the side of my neck gently.

"No," I answered, "you were suppose to age fast, but it was
to be at least a few more years before you we're to have a
child."

"And why a child?" She whispered, "why did it have to be my
child? Was I not good enough for there plans?"

I shook my head. "I don't know Naomi, your child is meant to
be the first of your new race. Maybe they wanted someone
new, or maybe they just didn't want you to face your dead
world."

"What world?" She demanded, pulling away from me, her paws
balled into fists. "Prid is the only world I've ever know. I
was just a year old only a year ago, how would I ever know
any world but this one?"

I had no answer for her.

She sighed, "The doctors say that I should have doctor or a
nurse with me at all times, just in case something goes
wrong," As she seed this she rested one paw on the slight
bulge of her belly. "It's going so fast they're getting
worried."

"I take it you have someone in mind?" I asked.

"Jadith," she answered, "I know her, even if just a little
bit. I trust her though, I don't with any of the other
doctors."

"I'll talk to her," I answered, "but she's in the middle of
some things. Some training as well as other plans revolving
around her. I will talk to her though, I'll see if she will
move in at least."

She paused for a few seconds, then reached out and touched
my cheek. "Why was this allowed to happen to my people, my
world?" she asked.

"No one allowed it," I answered. "It just happened."

She shook her head. "I can't believe that," she whispered,
"this kind of death, the death of a whole world, that can't
be an accident." She closed her eyes.

I touched her cheek in return. "Who then?"

"I don't know," she answered. "I've been looking through
what history of my world there is. There was so many
beliefs, so many gods, I can't believe they are all one.
What ever one is real though let this happen."

I didn't say a word. I personally don't follow any god, or
believe that my world even has one, and of the few I meant
(with the exception or Oria's god Thryn) have tried to kill
me. None of them are all knowing, all powerful, or have
anything close to control of the world around them. Frankly,
most of them believe there own publicity to much.

"Why could they let it happen though?" she asked, shaking
her head slowly. "For what reason would someone allow a
world to die?"

I shrugged. "A thousand and one reasons, and that's just on
that world. Ever religion has there stories of the end of
time. The final call to the afterlife, the end of the great
war between good and evil. Others it's the cleansing of the
soil for the new species to come after. It may just be the
great punishment, the flood to kill the sinful, to leave
only the good to repopulate the world."

She looked a bit puzzled. "The last one, the flood, that
might be why... to wipe away the sinful, to leave only the
pure to rebuilt the world."

I tapped her nose. "Then, if that's true, you are the only
person to be sinless in that whole world."

She laughed. "Not true dad, the unborn are sinless, and that
seed ship is full of the unborn."

"They will be born parrentless." I commented.

She shook her head. "They all have parents, just none will
be there to raise them. None by my child that is."

I smirked. "Naomi, we'll have to be careful when raising
your child, more so once she takes on this job she will act
with the regard and forethought that will make her a leader,
not a perceived god."

She thought about that for a few seconds, tapping her nose
as she did. "I think I understand... he will be the new
leader of my race. He will have to lead them into the world,
not be followed by them."

I smiled. "The good news is, we don't need to worry about
this for a few more years."

She smiled and hugged me tightly. "What should I do then?"

I hummed softly. "Learn about your history and world, maybe
find the god you believe in and follow him. It doesn't have
to be any god from your original world. There are thousands
in the multi-verse, you could even talk to Oria about her
god. I'm sure she would love to teach you about it all."

Pulling out of the hug she smiled a bit. "What about your
god?"

I coughed a bit, here was the question I was dreading sense
she started into this vain of conversation. "I don't."

She squinched up her eyebrows in a puzzled look. "Don't
what? Don't follow your god?"

"Believe in one..." I answered, trailing off as I saw the
look of shock form on my daughters face.

"How can that be?" She asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know, maybe some worlds have a god.
Hell a few do, I've meet them. Usual leading up to them
trying to kill me. But my world doesn't have one, and I've
never found a reason to believe in any else's god."

The expression on her face moved from shock to surprise,
then to puzzlement. "I feel sorry for you. I can believe
that you could look at a miracle and see it as nothing past
the normal."

I smiled, remembering something I had read just a few days
ago. "I ask you this, if I reach up and touch the suns, that
is a miracle, yes."

She nodded.

"But," I continued, reaching out to touch her on the top of
her nose. "If I reach out and touch you, that's a miracle as
well. It's just a matter of degree."

She laughed softly. "You might be right."

I hugged her this time, fluffing her large tail as I did.
"Thanks." I felt like I had done the right thing for her
right then, and in some way proved I could be a parent.

It felt good.

-----

This story is (c) 1998 by Fox Cutter, hardcopy reprints
limited to one a person, all other rights reserved. This
story may not be distributed for a fee except by permission
of the author, and this copyright notice may not be removed.