Set Me Free!
by Winter

6

The next day was beyond routine; it was downright boring. There's never been much crime in our district, but that day it was raining heavily, a cold rain predicting the full onset of autumn. Whoever had foul play in mind must have postponed it for a nicer day. I spent most of my time chatting with colleagues, or hanging on the radio with Jeff. Again, it struck me how different he seemed. Except for a few initial, careful jokes about my resident wolf, he seemed less eager to get on my nerves then he had ever been, as long as I'd known him. In the end I got so frustrated I had to hang up, pretending I had spotted a stolen car. What did he know about everything? I had half a mind to throw a riot, but decided with some difficulty to give it up. Jeff was being nice and considerate, and I got mad at him for it. If anybody deserved a telling-off, it was me! Eventually, the day ended, and I caught myself speeding on my way home. The scenario I met was a familiar one; a dead tired Ten and Florian manning the stove. I pushed back an urge to kiss his cheek, and instead went to change into my casuals.

"How was your day?" he asked as we set the table.

"Boring. Yours?"

"Yeah, pretty much boring. I've been adjusting my black suit for tomorrow."

"You can sew, too?"

"Yup." He stretched his neck proudly. "Sew, cook, clean, decorate, do the laundry. I'm a first-rate house-boy."

We both laughed at this. After another excellent supper, we went for a walk in the park. It had stopped raining, and some stars were even out. The sun was setting, and the air was a bit chilly. I had chosen a jacket that was a little bit too thin, and I shivered as a gust of wind passed right through it. Florian saw this, and in the corner of my eye I saw him open his mouth, but he closed it again, looking away. A new kind of sadness crept into his eyes. He looked as if the entire world had abandoned him, and I almost gave in to a desperate longing to pull him close to me, to tell him everything would be all right. After the funeral, I told myself. Once he's had a chance to think things through.

I really hated leaving Florian on the morning of the funeral. He never said it, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he would've liked me to stay, too. But he insisted that I shouldn't let him get in the way of work, so I resigned to another day of patrolling, this time in and around Treasure Chest. That day was a little more busy, with a couple fights to stop, a stolen car to find and a burglary to report. I had lunch down at HQ, but my head was miles away. By now, the funeral would be well under way, if not even finished. I wasn't exactly worried about Florian, but I was concerned. I didn't want him to hurt. Smiling inwardly, I shook my head as I neared the end of the lunch queue. I really, really had it bad, didn't I?

I had only just sat down at an empty table, when there was a swoosh of dark fur next to me, and before I knew it, I was looking at Jeff's grinning muzzle. A small part of me wanted him to go away, but all in all I was pretty happy to see him. He didn't waste any time.

"So, how's Florian?"

"Wish I knew." I sighed. "He seemed pretty distressed this morning."

"Today's the funeral, right?" I nodded. "Will he be okay?"

"I think so. I think he can be strong when he needs to."

"Good for him." Jeff paused to take a bite of his lasagne, and smiled at me warmly while he chewed and swallowed. "What's gonna happen next?"

"I don't really know." I couldn't withhold another sigh. "I guess he'll get on with his life."

"And you with yours?"

"Mhm."

"The sound of enthusiasm." Jeff grinned weakly. "Scottie, how long've we known each other?"

"Since I started working here, what's that, five years?"

"Not quite, more like four-and-a-half. So, have you ever known me to lie to you?"

"No, but why...?"

"Hush, now." He touched my lips with his finger, still smiling. "Jokes aside, Scottie. I know I've been pestering you, but I'm dead serious now. Don't let him go."

"But I..."

"Ssch! Let me finish. I've only talked to him once, but I can tell he adores you. And believe it or not, you love him just as much."

"Jeff..." I felt a wave of panic rise up inside me. "Jeff, I can't..."

"Do you feel like you're taking advantage of him?" Jeff's words struck home, and it was all I could manage to nod, while tears welled up in my eyes. "Scott, there might never be a right time for it. If you wait, he might move on before you get the chance."

"It's not easy." My voice was just a whisper, and Jeff moved over to sit right next to me. As he took my hand, I felt the first tear run down my cheek. "The more time we spend together, the more I love him. But I feel so sorry for him, too. I don't know where one ends and the next begins. Jeff, I've never been in love before, not this way."

"Ah, now you break my little heart." He smiled. "And I thought we..."

"Please, Jeff, no jokes. I don't know what to think. Everything I ever thought I knew about myself has been turned inside-out. I just don't want to push him into anything. He deserves the right to choose for himself."

"Did he mention that I talked to him over the phone?"

"Yeah, he said that."

"Did he say we talked for over half an hour?" I looked up at Jeff and shook my head. That was something I hadn't heard. "He never said it out loud, but I think he fell for you kind of right away. You took him in when he'd lost pretty much everything. That's so like you, Scottie. Kindness in one cute, loveable bunch of fur."

"H-he never said..." My voice trailed off into something unintelligible.

"He can't!" Jeff grabbed my muzzle and forced me to look into his eyes. "I don't know if you can tell, but Florian seems like a rather submissive kind of guy. You'll never get him to take the first step. If you don't reel him in, he'll take it as rejection. Believe me, I've seen the type. By forcing him to choose, you make his choice for him, Scottie. The choice to leave you."

"H-how can you know all this? I never told you how I felt..."

"You don't need to, Scott. Hey, it's me! I know you, and I can tell something's been eating you. Not in the good way, though..."

"Jeff..."

"All right, no more jokes. Maybe you don't believe this, but I'm so good at reading people." He flicked his hair back, beaming with pride. "And you, my friend, are an easy read. So see-through."

"I don't know..."

"At least tell him how you feel. Let him make up his mind after that. Scott, don't fuck this up, you would be so good for each other, you know."

I stood up, taking his hands. "Thanks, Jeff. Really, thank you so much."

"So you'll do it?"

"I'll try."

"Trust me, I am right."

"Wish me luck, buddy." A shiver went through me, not unnoticed by Jeff.

"You got it. You need it." He patted my back as we left the lunch room. "See you Monday, Scott. And you'd better look exhausted!"

"Jeff..."

"Heh. Just kidding. Now go make him yours."

"Now? But I've got four hours left."

"Nope. I'll clock you out, don't worry." He grinned. "Bill's covering for you out there, even though he doesn't know the full story."

"Thanks for that!"

"Anything for you, my precious. If I can't have you, then at least I'll make sure you end up with someone who deserves you."

"You're the best, Jeff." I gave him a brief hug, and he walked me out to my car. "So how's your love life, then. When you're not playing matchmaker"

"Feh! Don't speak ill of the dearly departed." He shuddered, laying his ears back. "It's yours this is all about."

"That bad?" I laughed. "Not fireworks in the sky then?"

"More like wet firecrackers." He pouted, then grinned evilly. "I went home with this huge Clydesdale stallion Friday night, six foot seven, hands like bass drums, hoping for the ride of my life."

"So what happened?"

"Curious?" He raised an eyebrow. "Turned out to be 'My Little Pony'. To add worse to bad, he hardly even knew where to put it. Such a total virgin!"

"That's not a nice thing to say," I scolded him, even though I could hardly keep back a grin. "True or not."

"I guess so." Jeff sighed, his head drooping, but I could tell that he was about to burst out laughing any time. Then suddenly he straightened up and fixed me with his most stern cop-eyes, almost making me show throat. "Well, what are you waiting for, off with you!"

"Yes, sir!" I saluted, and we both laughed. "Wish me luck."

"I already did, but all right. Good luck, Scott."

"Thanks." I got in the car and started the engine, but then I changed my mind and rolled down the window. "Jeff?"

"Hmm?"

"Is it written on my face or something? I mean..."

"I know what you mean." He winked. "You might say it is, but unless you've seen it a thousand times, say in the mirror every morning, you won't know how to read it."

"Oh." I thought about the kid from yesterday. Maybe that friend in Florida was more than a friend to him, then. I smiled. "Thanks, Jeff."

"Anytime, honey. Anytime."

I suppose I broke a couple of traffic laws on my way home, but right then I could hardly care less. The chat with Jeff had really helped, and I felt confident if a bit nervous. I would talk to Florian, and things would turn out well. Once I had parked the car and got out, I spotted a white-furred hand waving at me. A couple of seconds later, Ten was bouncing around my feet, happy to meet me outside for once. Florian had a smile on his lips, even though his eyes were sad. No wonder, I thought. He's just been to his father's funeral. My new-found self confidence wavered, and I decided to save our talk until later that night.

"Home early today?" he asked, breaking my train of thought. "We've just been to the park for a while, playing with her tennis ball."

"Yeah, well..." I searched desperately for something to say. Something to let him know I was interested. More than interested. "There wasn't too much to do, so I could take an early night."

We walked homewards in silence, and it seemed that he, too, had something on his mind. Something he was struggling to tell me. Had Jeff been wrong? Would he be the one to break the ice? I stopped to pick up the mail, and then we raced half-heartedly up the stairs, Ten winning easily. I unlocked the door and let us in, only to find myself face-to-face with Florian's suitcases. Fully packed. So this was it, like Jeff had said. My last chance to act on what I knew now were my true feelings. Take it or lose it. I tried to form a coherent phrase inside my mind, but the words didn't want to fall into place. The silence stretched out to beyond awkward, and when Florian started to speak his voice strangely subdued.

"I have... I've found a place to live, Scott. I'm getting picked up later tonight."

"Already? But Florian, that's not necessary..."

"I know." He sighed. "I know. You've been so good to me, so generous. But the funeral is over now. It was hell, but it's over, and I can move on."

"You know you can stay if you want to. For a while at least." I bit my lip so hard I could taste blood. He wanted to leave, to move on, and I couldn't make up my mind if that was what was best for him. Maybe he needed a fresh start. A chill ran down my spine, making me shiver slightly. If he noticed, he didn't show it. "Really, Florian, it's no trouble at all."

"Thanks, Scott, I appreciate it. But I can't stay as your guest forever."

I fought against a silent panic inside of me. 'As your guest...'. That phrase stuck in my mind. Was there a deeper meaning to what he had said? If he wouldn't stay as my guest, did that mean he still hoped to stay as my... as my lover? Once I had formed the word inside my head, it seemed slightly absurd. Lovers? Could it really work out that way? Seeing my hesitation, Florian stayed quiet for a little while, and somehow I thought I could see him struggling, too. Or maybe it was just wishful thinking. In the end, it was he who broke the silence again.

"I met someone at the funeral. An old friend of dad's, Alex. He's... along the same lines as dad was, when it comes to sex and such, I mean. He wants to let me stay with him, to take me in. It'll be just like it always was, except it'll be him instead of my dad. He's gonna pick me up tonight, I just asked him to let me stay so I could say good bye. At first, he just wanted me to get my stuff, but I didn't want to be rude."

"Mhm." I nodded, but I really wanted to scream, to plead with him to stay. He was going back to a life as a... as a slave! More than that, it seemed to be what he wanted to do. He had smiled when he talked about things returning to be what they had always been, and it seemed so true, so genuine that my tongue just froze. I tried to bring myself to kick his suitcases open, to haul his clothes back into my bedroom, where they belonged, but I stayed right where I was. Finally, I found my voice, but not my words. "That sounds... that sounds great."

"Yeah."

"Will he help you sell the house?"

"That's no problem. I spoke to another of our old friends, one who knows about the playroom, and he's very interested in buying it." He looked around the hall, but refused to meet my gaze, which I'm sure had become quite desperate. "Well, I guess I'll go and get my computer ready."

He turned and walked into the living room, leaving me still frozen on the spot. I felt like I'd start crying at any moment, but the rational part of my brain wouldn't let me. It kept telling me that I really had no business with Florian. I wasn't interested in males. I had no desire to take the role of Florian's father in some kind of kinky dominant/submissive relationship. I had no right to try and keep him from going his own way. Something else in me stirred, answering the statements. But I loved him. True, I did pity him, but it went beyond that. I loved him. True, he was a male, but that didn't matter. I did love him. In the end, I sort of disconnected from my conscious mind, acting purely by habit as I went to the kitchen and started preparing for supper. During the next hour, I fried us hamburgers and made mashed potatoes, only to hear the door bell ring just as I was about to set the table. I had no idea what Florian was doing in the meantime, but now he hurried to open the door. Alex turned out to be a lion, about my size but more muscular. He was in his early forties and had a jet black mane which had started to grey around the temples. His smile was kind and charming, but I immediately noticed the effect he had on Florian. My wolf kept his eyes lowered and his muzzle pointed to the ground, and he said nothing until Alex had greeted him first. Not the kind of joyful reaction I would have expected towards someone who would take him into his life. Alex seemed happy about this behaviour, though, and scratched Florian behind the ears.

"Why don't you introduce us, boy?"

"Yes, Alex. Scott, this is Alex, a very good friend of my father's. Alex, this is Lieutenant Scott Anderson. He's the one who helped me when dad... when my father passed away."

"Pleasure to meet you, Lieutenant." His handshake was very firm. "So nice of you to take the boy in. I would have got him off your hands earlier if I had known... It took a while to arrange my coming here."

"No problem." I managed to keep my voice civil, even though I instinctively disliked the lion. "It's been a pleasure having Florian stay here. He'll always be welcome."

"Thanks, but that won't be necessary. We have a long way home, so I don't think there'll be many visits." He nodded to Florian, then to the suitcases. "Why don't you load your things in the trunk while I talk to Lieutenant Anderson."

"Yes, Alex."

It hadn't been a question, and Florian meekly got to work. I could hardly recognised the young man I'd come to know during the last few days. In his place was a child, a timid cub who willingly, if not eagerly did as he was told. I didn't like it for one second, but I knew I couldn't stand in Florian's way. After all, this was what he wanted. How he was used to live. Still, no matter how little I liked it, there was something akin to love in Alex's eyes as he watched the young wolf put on his shoes and jacket, and start carrying his stuff downstairs. As he turned towards me, though, his eyes were ice cold.

"Now then, Scott." He pulled out a check book. "He's stayed with you for what? A week? Will five hundred be enough?"

"Really, I can't accept any money." I raised my hands in protest. "Florian has been my guest, and I..."

"Awfully sweet of you, but I can't have him sponging off you like that. Eight hundred?"

"Sir, you're insulting my hospitality!" I made my voice harsh and chilly, and he backed down. "Like I said, he was my guest."

Florian returned twice to carry the different parts of his computer down to the car, and he still refused to meet my eyes. He seemed slightly afraid of Alex, but when they looked at each other, his eyes lit up with admiration and, perhaps, love. Right then and there, my heart broke, and I felt the shards cut and tear at my insides. It hurt so much to let him go, but I had no choice. He had chosen, and even though I was certain he felt something for me, I was no part of his lifestyle. He would get a better life with someone like Alex. I had tried to push him into finding a job, a home and a life of his own, not realising that he wanted none of that. He wanted to, no, needed to belong somewhere. And to someone. When he came back for the last of his things, his shirt had slipped down somewhat, and I could clearly see the black leather collar that was fit tightly around his neck. It had a steel ring to fasten a leash in, and the sight of it made me shudder. That was a life I could never be a part of. His task finished, he stood next to Alex, still staring at the ground. The lion put an arm around him, and Florian caressed the arm gently. I felt a wave of heat run through my body, and suddenly I was ready to do just about anything to keep him there, if only just for a couple of more minutes.

"Do you want to have supper with me before you go?" I asked, hardly believing my ears. Was that all my fighting spirit led me to? Supper? "I've cooked more than I can eat, so you're both very welcome."

"I don't know," Alex said, lifting Florian's muzzle to look into his eyes. "What do you think, boy?"

"Whatever you say, Alex." He shrugged.

"In that case, I think we'll decline. We have a long drive in front of us, and you don't have a license, do you Florian?"

"No, Alex."

"There you have it. We'll be off, then. Be a good boy and say good bye, now."

"Good bye, Scott."

For the first time since Alex's arrival, Florian met my gaze, and the look in his eyes broke my heart one more time. There was definitely love there, but also a guilty look, as if he somehow knew how much pain he had caused me, and asked silently for my forgiveness. Or maybe the guilt was because he hadn't been able to take the step. And now I'd never know what it had been that shone through his eyes and stabbed at my torn heart. This time, I was the one who looked away, unable to bear any more maybe's or could've-been's. Instead, I hugged him tightly to me, and he shyly returned the hug as I whispered into his ear.

"Take care of yourself, Florian. Promise me you'll call me some time, or at least write to me."

"I will," he whispered back. "Thanks for everything, Scott, you really did save my life. You taught me how to smile again after dad died."

We held on to each other for a couple of seconds, until Alex let hear an indiscreet cough. Florian stiffened immediately, and pulled away from me. He turned his eyes downwards again and walked over to the lion's side. Alex just nodded to me, and then they were gone.

For the third time in just a short while, I felt my heart shatter like fragile glass. Only when I had closed the door, long after the two of them had left the house, and I'd heard Alex's car drive away, did I realise that Ten hadn't come to see Florian off. Usually, she never let anybody into our home without a thorough greeting, but she had gone into the bedroom when Alex had arrived, and only now did she come out. The look she gave me was a mixture of fear, concern and blame. That nasty lion had taken the wolf she had liked so much, and I hadn't stopped him! Ten definitely didn't think I had made the right decision, and now in hindsight, neither did I. More than that, it seemed as if she had been outright scared of Alex. I realised that when she sniffed the spot where he had stood, then shuddered as if someone had walked across her grave. I hadn't been alone in feeling antipathy towards him. I patted her head, then followed her back into the bedroom. She leapt up on the bed and sniffed the place where Florian had slept, then stared demandingly at me.

"It's all right, Ten, girl," I said, my voice not entirely steady. "He's gone home now, to his new home. He'll come visit us, you'll see. He'll... he'll come..."

Suddenly, I felt like someone had grabbed my chest with an ice cold hand, and just wrung out my heart. Tears started to flow from what seemed like an endless supply, and I fell down on the bed, my body racked with heavy sobs. I spent the rest of the day alternating between crying and cursing myself for not taking the chance, for being such a damned coward. It was with the greatest of efforts only I managed to take Ten for a short good-night walk and give her supper. The burgers I had cooked stayed on the bench, uneaten. I felt as if I had lost something truly vital in my life, like everything else from this day until the day I died would only be bleak shadows of what could have been. Should have been. Ten curled up to me, but I had no strength left to do anything but cry. Some time after midnight, I finally cried myself to sleep.