Pairing: Lister/Rimmer
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Rimmer has just acquired his hard light drive ("Legion"), and after hugging Lister in a seemingly innocent manner, he and Lister discover their mutual feelings for each other.
The hard light drive changed everything. Far more than Rimmer could have ever imagined.
***
Lister watched, amused, as Rimmer galloped around the Starbug, running his hands over everything he could reach. “I can touch, I can feel! I can fondle!” he effervesced. Lister hadn’t seen the hologram so happy since…since he discovered I was pregnant with twins, the insufferable smeghead, Lister decided, smirking. “I’m off to kip,” he announced, and left the cockpit for the sleeping quarters. As he climbed over Rimmer’s bunk and into his own, he tried not to focus on the disturbing thought that had first surfaced yesterday, aboard Legion’s miraculous ship. Rimmer, so thrilled with his newly-acquired sense of touch, had grabbed Lister and hugged him. Once he realized what he was doing, of course, he’d drawn back as though bitten, his upper lip curled in his typical expression of disgust. Lister couldn’t forget how warm Rimmer had felt…how human. For some reason, he had assumed the hologram would be more like…more like a mechanoid, like Kryten, hard and cold and metallic. And he couldn’t stop lingering on the fact that it was him, and him alone, who Rimmer had chosen to embrace. Not Kryten, not the Cat, but him, David Lister. True, the Cat probably would have died before allowing Rimmer to wrinkle his suit, and hugging Kryten would have been roughly equivalent to hugging a vending machine, but… Lister drifted into an uneasy sleep.
Rimmer threw himself gleefully into his bunk below Lister’s, reveling in the feel of the sheets against his skin. “Ah, Listy, life’s good,” he sighed, knowing quite well that Lister was asleep above him. Asleep and snoring like a smegging chainsaw. But for once Rimmer didn’t mind. He slowly unbuttoned the silver buckles of his padded blue jacket and threw it on the floor, then pulled off the red shirt underneath and wrapped the sheets around his bare upper torso, sighing and grinning.
“Think about Kris, think about Kris,” Lister mumbled to himself frantically, a sweat starting on his brow and an alarming heat growing in his groin. But when he closed his eyes, he didn’t see Kristine Kochanski’s perfectly sculpted face. He saw Rimmer. Flaring nostrils, ears that stuck out a tad too much, a complexion so pale it was almost sickly…Rimmer. The man did have a nice body, Lister admitted. He’d always known that in the back of his mind, even secretly envied Rimmer’s tall, rangy build and the fact that he managed to stay in shape and hardly ever gained weight, while Lister himself was short and bordering on pudgy.
Biting his lower lip, Lister slid over to the edge of his bunk and peered underneath, unable to stop himself. There he was, stark naked, his smooth back and well-shaped butt gleaming softly in the near-darkness. Rimmer snorted and rolled over, and this time Lister did fall out of bed.
“Lister?” Rimmer asked sleepily, lifting his head from his pillow to gaze at the mound on the floor beside his bed. He sat up, realized he was nude, and hastily covered himself with the sheets. Had Lister noticed…?
“Ahem. Lister, what are you doing?” Rimmer demanded in his best authoritarian voice.
“N-nothin’,” Lister mumbled, struggling to lift himself from the floor. “I was dreaming…must’ve fallen in me sleep.”
Rimmer’s eyes darted around the room frantically. Where were his clothes? Had Lister seen him naked?
So what if he had? Rimmer thought. They’d lived together for years now, and surely he’d seen him in the buff once or twice. Not to mention the time they’d swapped bodies…
Lister rose to his feet, yawning widely, and Rimmer stared at him, unable to look away. Lister’s thin, worn-out boxers left little to the imagination. And Lister was clearly…aroused.
“Must’ve been quite a dream, Listy,” Rimmer remarked contemptuously, looking away. His voice came out an octave higher than he had intended.
“Wha--? Oh yeah…Krissie and a tub of curry-flavored whipped-cream,” Lister lied. His gaze met Rimmer’s and he froze. His own eyes were dark brown, twinkling, always cheerful…Rimmer’s, far from being the nondescript muddy brown that his ID card proclaimed, were actually a warm shade of hazel. Behind the aloof façade there, Lister could sense something else. Sadness? Longing? Lister found himself wondering what the “H” on Rimmer’s forehead would feel like if he touched it.
“Um…” Rimmer shifted uncomfortably, clutching the sheets protectively to his chest.
“Oh, it’s no smegging use,” Lister exclaimed, pacing back and forth in front of the bunks. “Rimmer…” He trailed off. He couldn’t go through with this, he just couldn’t! But he didn’t have to. Rimmer had grabbed his wrist. Lister gasped and fell to his knees in front of the bunk. Rimmer didn’t let go. His grip was tight and hot and slightly damp. Once again, Lister was struck by how much he had missed the touch of another person. Three million years…
“Oh-my-god-I’m-sorry.” Rimmer spluttered in the space of one breath, releasing Lister’s wrist.
“No…it’s…quite all right…” Lister gasped, suddenly finding it hard to breathe. “Oh…Rimmer…” Lister could contain his feelings no longer. He rose on unsteady legs, lurched toward Rimmer, and wrapped his arms around the startled hologram.
“Listy…” Rimmer’s voice shook as he returned the hug. The sheet slipped down, leaving his upper torso bare. Lister found himself pressed against flesh that felt so warm, so…real. Rimmer was breathing heavily and Lister could feel his chest heaving, could feel each hot breath on his ear. Bloody smeg on toast. I’ve gone space crazy, he told himself. But this just felt right…and Rimmer wasn’t complaining…
“Lister,” Rimmer murmured, his voice sounding low and out of breath. “Can…can I see you?”
“S-sure,” Lister stuttered, releasing his embrace and realizing that his rumpled tee-shirt was soaked through with sweat. He slowly stood and peeled off the damp fabric while Rimmer gazed at the smooth, warm brown flesh of his chest and stomach, such a contrast to the creamy pale skin of the hologram’s own torso. Rimmer swallowed so hard that Lister saw his adam’s apple bob. The hologram’s face was flushed, and his curly brown hair, which refused to behave even in the best of situations, was dark with sweat and unruly as ever. His nostrils flared slightly with each rapid breath and his mouth hung open slightly in a way that struck Lister as…inviting. Lister licked his lips nervously. He had never thought Rimmer was an ugly man, despite his insulting comments that suggested otherwise…but now…now he was finding him downright attractive. So what if his nose was a tad long, his jawline a bit too soft…the small imperfections made him…Rimmer.
Rimmer’s expression was plaintive as he gazed up at his bunkmate. The usual smirk, the cynicism, the perpetual disgust—it had all vanished. His right eyebrow twitched. “Lister, I…I have to tell you something,” he said, staring at his sheet-covered lap.
“No Rimmer, you don’t—“
“I want to,” he insisted, his gaze remaining averted. “I—I really—like you.”
The mutuality of the feeling was such a relief that Lister, standing in the semi-darkness in nothing but his boxers, broke into an uncontrollable giggle.
“I knew I shouldn’t have said anything,” Rimmer chastised himself, misinterpreting Lister’s mirth. “Nothing ever goes right for Arnold Schmucko Rimmer. I think I’ll go drown myself in the loo…”
“No, no, Rimmer!” Lister managed to choke out between giggles. He threw himself onto the bunk next to the hologram, who sat stiffly and regarded him suspiciously. “I’m—not—laughing at you!” Another burst of guffaws. “It’s just that—you see – it’s just that—that when I fell out of bed earlier—it’s not because I was dreaming about Kochanski,” Lister snorted, his eyes watering. “It’s because I was looking at you and you were naked!”
“You were…looking at me? While I was naked?” Rimmer asked, vividly remembering the obvious bulge in Lister’s boxers.
Lister nodded so emphatically that his dredlocks flew up and down.
“Aw, Listy…” A genuine grin spread over Rimmer’s face and he pounced on his bunkmate, causing another eruption of hysterical giggles. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do this for?” he asked breathlessly, pinning Lister to the bed with his body. “Do you know how…how utterly tormenting it was for me to see you every bloody smegging day and not even be able to touch you?” And with that, he kissed Lister full on the mouth.
Rimmer’s lips and mouth were as warm, soft, and wet as any living human’s. Praying that he wasn’t dreaming, Lister hungrily returned the kiss. How often had his thoughts wandered into dangerous territory when he’d looked at Rimmer’s quirky mouth? He reached up and gently touched the “H” on Rimmer’s forehead. It was warm…no, it was hot. Like metal that had been out in the sun. His eyebrows lifted in wonder and he moved in for another kiss, forcing his tongue between the soft lips, the hard teeth, and into that wonderful slightly salty mouth. When Rimmer backed away for a breath, Lister couldn’t help but ask him how long he had been waiting for this.
“Oh, I don’t know…since before I died, I suppose.”
“Then why were you always such a total smeghead? Why the insults? And the notebook?”
“Well, Listy, I know you only went to art school, and for less than one day at that, but you’re smarter than that! I couldn’t let you know, could I? Or anyone else for that matter – imagine what Petersen might have done! And I didn’t know how you’d react, I mean, nothing ever goes right for me!”
“So what do you call this, then?” Lister demanded, flipping Rimmer onto his back, pinning him down with his body, and covering his face and neck with teasing little kisses.
“Definitely wrong,” Rimmer giggled. “Wrong, wrong, wrong. So wrong it’s right.” He wrapped strong arms around that warm brown flesh and held Lister tightly against his chest. Lister could feel that Rimmer was just as aroused as he was. He ground his hips into the hardness under the sheets and Rimmer let out a guttural moan and arched his back. Lister mouthed his neck and chin, drawing soft moans and sighs from the man beneath him.
“How’d you get this then?” he asked, pointing to the scar on Rimmer’s right jaw.
“Fight with a childhood friend…hit me with a video cassette…don’t even ask…unh!”
“I thought you didn’t ‘ave any friends,” Lister teased, pinning Rimmer’s wrists to the mattress and thrusting his hips between the hologram’s open legs.
“You…goit!” Rimmer gasped, writhing. “If you keep that up, Listy, I’m gonna…unh! I’m gonna come!”
“What, if I keep insulting you?” Lister grinned, but eased his thrusting – he still couldn’t believe this was happening and he didn’t want it to be over so quickly!
Rimmer grabbed Lister’s arms and pulled him to his chest. “Listy…do you think you could…” he gulped loudly, “I want to feel you inside me.”
Lister’s grin widened and he pulled off his boxers, kneeling nude and hard over the hologram. “Think you can handle it, then?”
Rimmer gulped again and nodded quickly, his eyes squeezed shut. Just the sight of Lister, nude and aroused, skin glistening with sweat, was nearly enough to push him over the edge. Lister whipped the sheets out of the way, fully exposing the hologram in his nakedness, and ran his hands up the soft white skin of Rimmer’s upper thighs while the man tried to stifle a yelp with his fist.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Lister murmured as Rimmer rolled over onto his stomach and lifted himself to his hands and knees.
“Don’t worry – remember what Legion said? I can’t be physically harmed.”
“But your pleasure and pain centers still function like a normal human’s,” Lister reminded the hologram. “Just let me know if I’m hurting you, okay?”
Rimmer nodded and presented his backside to Lister. “Nah, too impersonal,” Lister decided. “Get on your back.”
Rimmer obeyed and Lister kneeled between the hologram’s thighs. His breathing grew ragged as Lister lifted Rimmer’s legs and positioned them over his own shoulders. He gasped and nearly choked as Lister gently penetrated him with one finger.
“All right then?” the younger man asked, and Rimmer nodded vigorously, biting his lip and arching his spine. Lister slowly inserted another finger, waited for Rimmer to unclench and relax, and then added a third. The hologram’s eyes were squeezed shut and he was biting his lip so hard it looked like it would bleed. A line of sweat trickled down his forehead. “Unh,” Rimmer exhaled loudly as Lister removed his fingers. The younger man spat on his hands and rubbed them over his erection, twitching with anticipation.
Rimmer grunted as he felt Lister push against his tense opening, and let out a cry as his partner slid in.
“Smeg!” Lister exclaimed. “You’re so tight!” He pushed himself in further. “Smeg that’s good!”
Rimmer’s frown of concentration softened as the initial pain gave way to a deliciously intense, searing pleasure that jolted through his groin and the pit of his stomach like a burst of electricity each time Lister thrust in. And the thrusts were coming harder, closer, faster, while Lister grunted and Rimmer’s entire body spasmed each time. Rimmer dug his fingers into the sheets for support as Lister pounded into him, eyes screwed shut and sweat streaming down the sides of his face. He leaned in closer, pushing Rimmer’s knees closer to his chest and penetrating even more deeply.
“Oh god Listy I’m…oh god…” Rimmer arched his back and tore at the sheets on either side. Lister’s movements became violent and frantic as he plunged into his partner. “I’m…unh…I’m going to…GERONIMO!!” Rimmer screamed, spurting all over his own chest and stomach as a violent orgasm tore through his entire body. The rhythmic clenching of the climax shuddering through Rimmer shoved Lister over the edge and he let out a cry as he slammed into his partner one last time. Rimmer whimpered as Lister emptied himself deep inside him and slumped forward, forcing Rimmer’s thighs painfully against his chest.
“Uhhhh…” Lister sighed, slipping out and allowing Rimmer to roll over onto his side, where he lay in a blissful daze.
“So I guess now you can say you’ve made love more than once, Rimsy” Lister teased as soon as his breath returned. He wriggled over to his exhausted partner. “Whoops, better clean this up before the Cat or Kryten come around!” He stuck his finger into the semen on Rimmer’s chest and tasted it thoughtfully.
The hologram rolled lazily onto his back. “Now you know why I’d only made love once,” he slurred. “If I were interested in girls, I could’ve had as many as I wanted. I was holding out for you.”
“Go on,” Lister laughed, snuggling up to Rimmer and kissing the “H” on his forehead, which burned hot against his lips.
The pair froze as the door to the sleeping quarters slid open without warning and the Cat sauntered in. “Whoo, it smells like somebody’s been makin’ love in here!” he announced, straightening his striped jacket. He spun around on his heel, caught sight of Rimmer and Lister lying frozen among the rumpled sheets of the lower bunk, and stared. And stared. And ran out of the room without another sound.
Lister met Rimmer’s horrified gaze and burst into hysterical laughter. “So this isn’t a dream?” he asked amid giggles.
“Nope. I’m afraid it’s quite, quite real,” Rimmer grinned.
“Ah. Good.” Lister leaned back and closed his eyes, a satisfied smile on his face.
The End.