Yet another day has come,
Waking up in my bed.
I reach across, over the length,
but the only company is in my head.
I suffered in the dream,
and of course in real life,
there's not my girlfriend with me,
just my bloody knife.

So I rest here in a sheen of sweat,
trying to resting myself away.
Next to a pile of Faygo bottles,
and a Vodka from each previous day.
The candles have burned
down to the very wick,
eyes slitting open to the smoke, 
and then comes the real kick..

I'm alone. Yes. Like I always am again,
gazing down at the clock. Morning. Around 10.
The sun peeks through the curtains at the dawn of day,
and here I thought it'd eventually feel okay.
But of course not, the pain is still there.
I found that happyness truely is rare.

The lights have been dimmed, 
the fans still set on high. 
Trying to suppress the tears,
kissing the pain goodbye.
Knives slit across the arm, to dull the pain,
causing the harm, within my brain.

I cant take this anymore. 
This everlasting isolation,
all in my room, which seems to be my tomb,
rotting away in desolation.
I feel the pain rotting away my body,
crippling down my soul.
Choices have been made, with or without the blade,
and now it's taking it's toll.
I look at my wallet, and the pics on my wall
the tears roll down my cheeks, knees buckle to fall.
Sobbing away, in the depths of my hands,
the tiny puddles forming where they may land.
Clawing away at the torn up blankets, 
hoping to God that another day will make it,
Pillows thrown from my uneasy sleep, 
the living nightmares ease towards and creep
Up and into, spreading my eyes wide,
diving behind my stuffed dragon, all trying to hide.

Hair is a mess, and body a wreck,
Wishing it would all change just within a sec.
Stumbling around, trying to clear my head,
Mentally and emotionally, physically dead.
Trying to drown out the voices with some wicked clown tunes,
Changing the mood as much as I can to the changes of the moons,
Needing the randomness to keep my mind busy.
My personal stability only discribed as iffy.

Getting drunk as much as I can,
Any kind of liqure, any make or brand.
As long as it's an out, a quick n easy escape,
Retreating from the loathing, lonelyness and hate.
I fake a smile, and be cheerful when I get a call,
but soon as I'm off it's back to "fuck it all,
I'm tired of this torment. This fuckin shit."
And I realize I'm not really all worth it.

She's was my queen. My goddess. My lover. 
As much as I hate to say it, but she deserves another.
One that can give her what she desires.
One that can add fuel to her eternal fire.
But I love her. To much to say.
So I just want to end it all, each and every day.
Knowing I may not be her one and only.
A false sense of hope, I'm a big ol' phony.
I cant compete with thoes that have bigger and better.
It was an undescribably pleasure just to have met her.
I never thought it'd last this long,
but like with everything else, I was dead wrong. 

I wanted to marry, settle down and have kids.
I jumped the gun, and seemed to have pushed it.
Pushed a bit to far, scared her off.
I should learn when enough is enough.
There was so much potential, a couple forevermore.
Then timing came around, and blew it out the door.
We were like a pair. A pair of doves.
And everyone knew about our love.
As much as I wish I just couldn't care,
this is one to much of an intense nightmare.
I wish there was something. Something I could do.
All I can think of is how much I miss you.

I know this is how it is,
and nothing can be changed.
But I really wish,
that this was all rearranged.
I'm still here for her. Friend or more.
I love her with everything, down to the core.
The timing is off, that I do know,
but I'm just overwhelmed, from head to toe,
with how much I miss her, through and through,
I'de do anything she wanted me to.

So finally take another shot, down another bottle,
put away my toys so I dont step on another model,
off of the floor from the thrashing I gave
my room when the emotions overran and my security caved.
Toss the knife away, clearing my head.
deciding to live another day, and refrain from being dead.
So much on my mind, scence we first fought.
Only a few things, run in my thoughts.
About how I would change myself, just for my lady,
so we could still see eachother, cuddle with my baby. 

I'de change the world if I had the power,
Get you every version of your favorite flowers.
Have a car for every day in the year, all that you wanted,
so you could drive around, show the wealth and flaunt it.
But I cant, and it makes me want to take my own life,
with that enlongated file I made into a knife
every day, and especially every night.
Shaking in fear, cold sweats and frights.
But there's a reason why I didn't die,
And there's only one reason, and here is why..

Because I love you. 
More then you'll ever know.
It cant be said, writen or drawn,
or sang with the best flow.
You'll always be my one and only.
Both of us...   Together.
And I still want to be yours.
Now.    And.    Forever.