Kitten
stared out at the beach, a frown marring her forehead and a troubled look in
her eyes. She was seated on the railing of the deck and one leg swung absently.
She was caught up in blaming herself for having to say, “gimme a while- gotta
figure out how I feel about you” to Kain after making love to him.
I should’ve waited, even a few days until our date. She rubbed her forehead, where she was steadily developing a headache. Then I would have at least been able to explore how I feel, I would’ve known something more than I do now.
She hated the feeling that she had given herself to Kain without ever falling in love with him. She bowed her head, trying not to cry, hating herself for acting impulsively on something so important.
She heard the sound of Foxy’s car and shook her head, smoothing a paw over her face. She should go talk to Teffy about it; he’d help her out. She wasn’t quite ready to talk to Foxy, especially since he’d left on purpose. She needed some perspective first. She padded into the living room and turned right, padding into her hobby room. She turned on the computer and waited for it to boot up, sitting in her chair and staring out the window, pondering on what she should tell Teffy. Admitting she was an idiot seemed a start.
Since she used a cable connection for her Internet, she didn’t have to connect when it finally finished loading. She clicked on her IM list and clicked on Teffy’s Screen Name, glad he was online for her to talk to.
“Why do I have to be so impulsive all the time?” She typed in, and then pressed enter. It took only moments for his answer to pop up in front of her.
“Well, I figure your nickname is Kitten for a reason.” He smiled.
Kitten’s ears drooped a bit as she typed in her reply. “But it hurts people too, its not just fun and games all the time.”
“Most things aren’t going to be.” He typed back. “You have to accept the good with the bad, Kitten.”
“I know but when I do something like…” She blushed as she typed it. “Sleep with someone I’ve only known a few days and have no idea how I feel about him… It makes me question how great of a person I really am.”
She sat there waiting for an answer… and one didn’t come. There was only silence and even the bar at the bottom of the window showed that he wasn’t even typing anything.
Meanwhile Teffy was at the other end of the Internet lines, sitting at his computer and staring at those words. He couldn’t even bring his paws to move into place on the keyboard.
Thoughts swirled through his head, everything from crushing disappointment to feeling like she’d pulled wool over his eyes and especially shock. His mind had gone from looking forward to talking with her, and wanting to straighten out what he saw in that strip club, to being turned upside down by what she had done the next day.
He sat for some time staring, trying to make his thoughts stop swirling, and suddenly his fingers found the keys and typed in his answer.
“Then I suppose you shouldn’t sleep with him until you find out how you feel about him.”
Kitten stared at the screen. It was such an obvious comment, but it surprised her, it sounded like something Foxy would say. She ignored that and typed in her reply. “I told him this morning that I needed to think about how I felt about him. He was quite understanding but… I feel terrible for doing this to the both of us.”
“Well, that’s good. So How DO you feel about him?” She read that and sat for a few minutes pondering.
“I’m not sure, I know I’m attracted to him, but I think I need to know him better to decide the rest.”
Teffy chuckled. “Well there’s your answer. Take some time with him to figure out if you want to be with him or not.”
Kitten typed in a nod. “Perhaps I’ll ask him to take it slow for awhile. I still feel like I betrayed myself doing it. I don’t feel dirty, I feel… uncertain of who I am. I don’t like the feeling.”
“As long as you make it right, there’s no reason to hate yourself for it, everyone makes a mistakes now and then. Even ones this big.”
Kitten felt a bit better, although the heavy feeling was still there. “Did something else impulsive yesterday, although that didn’t do any damage. Just kinda made me look at myself closer.”
Teffy sat up in his chair, his ears perked. “Oh my god, that was her?” He said out loud, shocked. He didn’t like assuming things though, so he typed in, “What was that?”
Kitten typed in a blush, but she was too honest to avoid the question. “I did a little number in a strip club.”
Now Teffy frowned to himself. If that had been her, was this going to become a regular thing- by the way it had looked he was surprised it was her first time.
“I saw it.”
Kitten stared at those three words in total shock, her muzzle hanging open. She absently listened as Foxy came into the house with someone he’d obviously met wherever he had gone. They went downstairs talking and laughing.
She finally typed in her response. “How is that possible? You don’t live anywhere near here, at least that’s what I thought you told me.”
“Dan and Gain were going to the beach to go to the bars and such, so I came with them as a designated driver. They insisted on going to a few strip clubs and I ended up there.”
She realized that Kain had seen her also, that was all three of the males in her life. She groaned, what Teffy must think of her!!
“Please don’t think badly of me after this.” She typed in distress. “I plan to never do that again. It was a challenge from Foxy; if he did it, I would.”
Teffy’s heart seemed to settle back into place as he felt almost light with relief. It felt so good to know she was exactly the cat he’d thought her to be. He hadn’t liked the idea of a cat like her picking that up. He happened to… like her the way she was.
“I was very confused about that. I hadn’t remembered you mentioning anything like that before.” He typed back.
“Yeah, that was a one time thing. Only private performances from now on.”
Teffy smiled a bit at that, he couldn’t help the image of her doing that for him, and he shook his head. Time to get back to reality- if she did it for anyone it would be this other guy or Foxy.
He simply typed in a nod as a response, best way not to get himself into trouble. He found himself truly hoping it worked out for Kitten and this other guy as they made some friendly banter. She deserved to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him.
Maybe he’d just wait this out, if it didn’t work out, he’d try his own chance at having Kitten.
~ >^.^< ~ =^.^= ~
Kitten turned off the computer and sat in her chair for a few moments. She felt a little bit better after talking with Teffy; he was so good for her- he always made her feel better.
The heavy feeling was catching up to her though, and she heard the distinct sounds of a “good” time coming up from downstairs and she stood and padded over to the front door. She slipped on some sandals and didn’t bother leaving Foxy a note before she slipped out the door. He probably wouldn’t realize she’d left; besides, she planned to be back before long. She needed to think, and the only thing that she could think to do was walk, her heart wanted her to be anywhere but here.
Besides, she kept remembering her interlude with Kain and it wasn’t doing her much good. She crossed her arms as she padded down the street, her head down. Since they were down a long and mostly empty street, she didn’t worry about cars coming. As she padded along she closed her eyes for a few moments and savored the breeze and the smell of the fresh air.
She opened her eyes a few moments later and saw her destination, huge rock sticking out of a dune to her left, where the beach was. She knew it would be warm from the sun and that appealed to her so she padded over and took off her sandals to pad barefoot to the rock and stretched out on it to stare at the clouds. They calmed her down and let her think, soon her ears drooped with her eyelids and she fell fast asleep, lulled by the warmth from the sun and the rock under her.
~ >^.^< ~ =^.^= ~
Kain absently listened to the rumble of his bike as he drove it into his garage and onto its lift. He sat on it for some time after he shut it off. He had an unreal feeling inside him, as if he was dreaming but not aware of it yet. He was having a hard time believing that he’d just made love to Kitten- he ran a large paw over his face- and it had been wonderful.
He heaved a large sigh and got off the bike padding into his apartment after taking the time to close the garage door. He closed the apartment door behind him and padded over to his bedroom to take out a pair of cut off sweatpants. He slipped out of his leathers and padded over to the bathroom. He needed a shower desperately- he’d gone a gym nearby and pushed himself after he’d left Kitten- he was hoping tiring his body would take away his anxiety over Kitten’s news.
It hadn’t worked, he was still worried, not just for his own heart, but that Kitten would tell him she’d only done that in the passion of the moment. He was trying to ignore that he wanted her heart desperately. He was doing a decent job- most of the time.
He turned on the water and waited for it to get hot, then turned on the shower. His mind wandered to this afternoon and he looked down at himself absently, remembering what it felt to be inside her. He spotted red on the pure white furr of his sheath.
“Blood?” He wasn’t alarmed at first, thinking maybe it was from him somewhere, but he soon found he had no wounds. That means it was… from…
He just stood there, an expression very close to horror dawning on his face, and he grew a bit pale under his furr.
His voice was rough as he said it out loud, his eyes painful. “My God, she gave me her virginity…”