'Paranoia or...'
By Rose de Stitches

I remember it like it was yesterday.  Yes, I know it was several
years ago, but I can still SEE IT!  What?  You want to hear about
it again?  I've told you allready...  Fine!  I'll tell you!

It all started when I saw a bottlecap on the ground.  It looked
just like a normal bottle cap.  But, being the curious type, I
reached down and picked it up.  As soon as I touched it, I felt 
this odd feeling in the pit of my stomach, as if something was 
about to happen.  But, like a fool, I ignored it.  

If I knew then what i know now, I would have thrown it away then!  
But I was still young, just barely 19 and full of live and vigor, 
having just started college the year before.  Turning it over, I 
read around the circumfrence of the top: 'Bottlecap of Infinite 
Squirrels - Screw onto bottle, shake, and unscrew for one squirrel'.  
I laughed as I thought this had to be a joke.  Oh, how wrong I was!

I took it home with me and forgot about it for a few days until I 
was doing laundry.  I saw the cap again and wondered, 'What if it 
was true...?'.  Well, of course I had to try it then.  Going to my 
room, I found an old mello-yello bottle and screwed the bottlecap 
onto it.  I shook it once, and I could see a fuzz of bubbles fill 
the clear plastic container.  Excitedly, I unscrewed the cap and 
was amazed to se the foam bubble up and form into a live squirrel 
sitting on top of it.

Well, to say i wasn't surprised was an understatement.  I yelled out 
as Dropped the bottle.  The squrrel leaped off just before I dropped 
it and landed on the floor near my leg.  It looked up and twitched 
it's whiskers.  Leaning down, I held out a trembling finger and 
softly petted the head of the squirrel.  I was answered back with 
happy churrs as it nuzzled back against my finger; it's eyes closing 
as it enjoyed the caress.

If only I had stopped with just that one squirrel!  If only!  But no, 
I had to see if it truly WAS infinite!  I started repeating it over 
and over, trying bottles of every shape and size until my dorm room 
was filled with over thirty squirrels.  I opened a window, thinking 
they would scurry out into the nearby trees, but they all just nuzzled 
up close to me; stroking me with their tails and bodies.  I tried to 
fight it, but the soothing feeling soon but me to sleep.

The next part is a little hazy, but I remember first awakening to the 
sounds of chittering.  I tried to move my arms, but found I was unable 
to move.  My eyes snapped open and I looked around.  Somehow, the 
squirrels had stripped me nude and tied my hands and feet to the bedposts 
with my clothes.  I struggled a bit, but soon gave up all hope of escape.

Resigning myself to whatever they had planned, I looked towards the 
chittering, and was terrified to see all of them standing around a 
magic circle chittering what seemed to be some kind of incantation.  As 
they chanted, a red light started to flicker in the center of the circle 
before growing.  It grew more, my eyes widening as it started to take on 
a humanoid shape.  Suddenly, the light flashed, blinding me.  As I looked 
back over, I was amazed at what I saw in the center.

There in the center of the circle was...  I can't even decscribe it right.  
She was a nude woman, yet looked like a squirrel as well.  Her body was 
covered in soft gray fur that shimmered in the evening light, and her long, 
bushy tail swayed behind her.  Even with the squirrel looks, she was still 
the most beautiful woman I had ever seen.  She started to walk towards me; 
the squirrels on the floor parting to make a path as my fear turned into 
hightened expectations.

She smiled, her gentle paw caressing my chest as I shuddered.  "Did my 
children frighten you?" she asked in a voice that sounded just like a 
chitter.  I nodded slightly as her paw continued down my chest to my belly.  
"Relax..." she whispered out, her muzzle leaning near my ear.  "We came here 
for just one reason."

"What?" I asked as I tried to keep calm.

Her paw slid past my stomach to my groin as she gripped my scrotum playfully.  
She nibbled on my ear a bit before whispering out, "We came here...  For your 
nuts."  It was at that point that I fainted.  

When I woke up the next morning, I sat up with a start.  Looking around the 
room, it seemed completly barren of any furry creatures, and I seemed to be 
untied from my bonds as well.  I looked down at my crotch and was surprised 
to see a red ribbon tied into a bow around my balls.  

I shook my head, wondering what I drank the night before as I untied the 
ribbon and looked it over.  On the back, in black script, read the words, 
'Thank you for your nuts.  We were all quite hungry.  Sorry we scared you, 
but our queen wanted some food as well.'  Searching thru my room, I found 
that every food item with nuts in it had been ransacked.

From that day on, I become obsessed with squirrels.  I know one day I'll 
find their queen!  I KNOW IT!  She owes me BIG for scaring me like that!  
That's why I question every squirrel I see!  One of them has to know where 
the queen is!  And when I find her, I'm going to...  HEY!  Put that straight 
jacket down!  No you don't understand!  The squirrels!  THE SQUIRRELS!!!