Sunday 05-06-01

Open Letter to my Father.

I remember my Father.

I remember that night we watched the lunar eclipse. I was just a wee kid & watching that eclipse meant staying up past my bedtime. I remember you took me out onto the front porch and we lay down on that big monstrosity of a patio lounger we had. You laid down first & I lay on top of you. You folded my little body into your strong, safe arms. The position was perfect; we could see the moon from where we lay, without moving. Later, an afghan was spread over us, I'm not sure when or how, but I'm pretty sure it was that ugly red & brown & yellow one we used to have. You know, the one with the stripes & the open weave. I remember seeing the moon slowly disappearing in that weird arc and not fully understanding why, even though you tried to explain. I felt so warm & safe there; I didn't question you, not that I recall anyway. I fell asleep in your arms that night.

I remember watching my brother's cut up & discard that monstrosity we slept on that night. I didn't tell them of my memories for fear they would decide to keep the horrible thing. I didn't need that god-

Awful thing taking up space just to remind me of that night. It was amusing to watch their antics as they dismembered it. I thought of you then, too. They are so much like you.

I remember the beginning of the end. I remember the day we looked at a problem with Mike's door & you leaned over onto me. I thought you wanted me to get out of your way, so I backed up, but you kept pressing against me. I backed up again but you seemed to be over balanced. I remember panicking a little & keeping you from falling. I helped you back to the couch & asked if you were OK. You said you were fine & didn't know what had happened. I accepted that. I didn't realize it was the beginning. Of the end.

I remember you when I watch the antics of our space program. I remember the morning you woke me early so we could watch the launch of the Space Shuttle. I honestly don't remember much from that morning, but I do remember seeing the Shuttle lift off on the TV & I remember the light in your eyes. You loved the space program & I loved you for it. I guess I love the space program because of you, Dad. I cried when Challenger died. My only regret was learning too late I could have gotten you the NASA channel if I had gotten you a subscription to DirecTV. By the time I realized that you were beyond caring about the space program.

I remember caring for you while you died. I miss you too. Goodbye.

I remember.

I love you.

Gregg