Ode to a Lost One...

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It is thundering outside now...

Why does it always seem to rain

Whenever there are times of mourning?

Funerals, divorces, loss of spirit, grieving remembrances...

There is always rain falling during these moments,

Much like Nature Herself is crying, shedding tears

In order to replenish the Earth's depths...

But... it is thundering now.

I've always had an amount of respect for storms

A beautiful flash, the dizzying sound of rumbling pockets

Seeming to come from every possible angle

The ability to stop any and every activity at once

Placing a person inside, looking out rain-pelted windows

Wondering what is happening in the Heavens,

Asking what has angered Nature,

Dreaming of the Spirits they cannot see...

Whenever I see the dark clouds closing in,

Whenever I feel the change in the air,

The seemingly uneven paradox between light and dark

Whenever I get a certain surge that a storm might be coming,

I get excited, giddy

Emotional, energetic

Like a small child at the advent of receiving a gift

It is a power...

That I cannot resist.

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I've lost someone.

I've lost someone very near and dear to me.

We had a relationship that just felt right,

Much like a poem without rhymes, but with feeling-

Which is essentially just an encrypted story.

Now as the tears start to spill,

It is thundering outside,

The rumbles crashing against my tired soul

The rain washing my little happiness away

I've...

I have lost someone.

I lost someone at the very hands of Nature's servant Death-

An indiscriminant creature of lackluster

That preys on the innocent, though never enough on the evil...

This forceful being has stolen from me.

Though I understand and accept Nature's plans,

Recycling all life in an endless bound,

That does not stop my grieving

My pain, my loneliness... my desertion...

I have not eaten anything.

The soft pangs of my stomach

Not nearly as painful as the cuts to my heart

Indescribable hurts as I blankly stare at the thunderstorm

I feel as though no one understands...

They look shocked and sad, try to comfort me,

But they truly do not understand as deeply as I

They try to feel, but they are only touching the surface

Now the storm's winds come,

Blowing my strength away in numbers

Violently shifting the trees and plants

Unseen danger lurking around abundant life

I've...

I have lost someone important.

I cry but no tears spill,

I yell yet nothing escapes my mouth

I exist but feel lost...

One of the only reasons

I do not surrender myself to Death's pact

Is because there are creatures depending on me...

One of whom being the one I lost

But as more and more dependents find Death's corner,

What reason more do I have to live?

Reality's rules are too harsh

In time, giving up seems reasonable.

But...

I must think, and think hard

For there is someone who loves me in the Spirit

Cares about me in seemingly impossible ways

Even though the only place we truly meet is through dreams

Ah, dreams!

Evolutions not yet kissed by Reality's rules

Where one goes to be truly free

From woes and pitiless phantoms

We who believe in Nature have a saying-

Only through Life do we learn about Death,

Only through Death do we learn to live...

I must feel the same way about the one I lost.

My lost someone has escaped Reality's rules

Now blessed with the freedom

That I can only dream about

Freedom to see, freedom to fly!

Freedom to soar above the clouds of mournful rain

And see the sunlight above the storms

Freedom to look over me and kiss my heart

Freedom to find the true meaning of Love

Fly for me, my beloved

I will try not to surrender myself to your killer's hands

I will defeat It!

May Nature recycle your Energy well.

For if I surrender,

What is to keep others who Love me from surrendering?

The someone I lost ne'er surrendered,

More or less left in eternal peace.

I run outside into the thunderstorm,

Feel the rain- no longer hurting me

Ignore the wind- no longer capable of blowing me over

See the flash, hear the rumble- just as beautiful than ever

Nay, but now I need to rest,

To feed on the nurturing emotions

Escape to my dreams

Where I find not only my lover, but my lost someone as well.

Hear me, my Nature!

Send not your humble servant Death

For if It hears my cries,

They will be shouts of battle rather than shrieks of surrender and defeat...

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-TiGRE the Forsak'n Angel tigerangel@kittymail.com

May 10, 2000, 9:43 p.m.