The Search for the Yeti by "Squeaky" Chewtoy with help from Kiwi, Zakk, and Ryan, and an obscure reference to The Mystical Vyxens of Myrrh by Java Foxx.

Chewtoy made her way into the high school. Today she was looking for her friends, who, although still in high school, were researchers of the occult with expertise in curses, and Chewtoy, their resident cryptozoologist, had some important news for them. She walked through the halls, found the library and walked in.

Chewtoy spotted her friends in the computer area, where they usually stayed after school. "Hey," she said in greeting, waving at them. Immediately she was glomped to the floor by three figures. She let out a squeak as she was tacklehuggled. "Yay," was the only word she managed to say before the squeezing hugs of her overly affectionate friends cut off her air supply. She began choking and sputtering, until her vision went black.

"Oops," said Kiwi. "I think we did it again."

Chewtoy was a neon green catkin with a long, pale blue mane. Ryan was a rather short grey wolfen, and while he was somewhat lacking in size he made up for that easily with wits, common sense, and magical abilities, which proved useful from time to time when encountering occult oddities, such as chupacabras. Zakk was a black half-dragon with a long silver mane. Kiwi was a half-catkin, a crossbreed between a normal human and a catkin. She was basically human in form but with the ears, nose, tail, and hind paws of a feline, her ears and tail being covered in bright blue fur.

After about five minutes, Chewtoy came back to her senses. She seemed to be completely unaffected, as this was a common occurrence. She stood up quickly and said, "Hey guys, I have some information you might be interested in."

"More about curses?" Zakk asked.

"No," said Chewtoy. "Actually this time I've got a report of a monster in the Alps. A yeti."

"Ooh a yeti!" Kiwi said, excited. "Yeti! Yeti!" She started to sing a goofy yeti song and danced to her own tune.

"It could be the Curse of Yeti Riding Ox While Holding Eel and Crane," Zakk suggested.

"But in the Alps?" asked Chewtoy. "And besides, the report only stated a yeti, there weren't any signs of an ox, eel, or a crane."

"Well we should do some research on yetis then," Ryan suggested. "Should find out just what we'll be up against."

"Oh, you worry too much Ryan," said Kiwi, still dancing.

"No, I think he's right," Chewtoy said. "I'll go look up some stuff now." She sat down at a computer and searched on Google for "yeti." As the page loaded, Chewtoy let out a surprised gasp, startled by what she had found.

"What is it?" Zakk asked, as the three friends gathered around the computer.

Chewtoy just stared at the computer screen blankly. After a long pause she said, "Yeti porn." Then, hesitant but still very curious, she clicked on a link.

The four morphs let out a scream in unison. The "yeti porn" was nothing more than elderly, overweight, gay male humans whose body hair had turned completely white with age.

Ryan ran to the garbage can just in time as he became violently ill.

Kiwi covered her eyes saying, "It burns!"

Zakk simply said, "Now there's the sort of porn that really will make you go blind."

Chewtoy sat in shock, just staring at the horrendous images before her. After a moment she finally came to her senses and clicked on the "Back" button.

"Well that was . . . utterly disturbing," said Zakk calmly. "Not to mention completely useless."

Kiwi still had her eyes covered when Chewtoy snapped out of her shock, shaking her head and blinking. She looked at Kiwi, and, seeing her discomfort, proceeded to reach out and give her a scritch right behind her ear. Kiwi brought her hands down from her eyes and froze in ecstacy. She started purring and then began to melt into a puddle of pleasure. Unfortunately, this was a quite literal puddle, and Chewtoy and Zakk were now wading in an inch-deep puddle of Kiwi pleasure.

Ryan had finished vomiting in the trash and now came back to join his . . . er . . . friends. Ryan spotted the puddle and exclaimed, "Oh, now look what you've done! We're gonna need a mop now."

"No, I think not," said Chewtoy. "Everyone step back first." Chewtoy and Zakk stepped away from the puddle and Ryan stayed where he was. Chewtoy readied herself, leaning close to the puddle and whispering one word: "Underwear."

Kiwi rapidly solidified, but she was now writhing in utter torment. "You're not allowed to say that!" she yelled at Chewtoy.

"See, all better," said Chewtoy cheerfully, grinning like a Cheshire-catkin.

Then, suddenly, Kiwi pulled something out of her back pocket. It was a gigantic mallet, bigger than she was, with the word "DOOM" written across the side in bold letters. It was the legendary Mallet of Doom. She then proceeded to smack Chewtoy on the head with the mallet. "That's for the porn, and the melting me, and the . . . the . . . UNDERWEAR!" Kiwi sputtered.

Chewtoy kept grinning. "Well, I suppose I did deserve it," she said, rubbing the Doom-inflicted bump on her head.

Chewtoy then went back to work looking for some serious information on yetis. As interesting as finding a real source of yeti porn might be, she decided not to risk it again after the previous consequences. After some information was found, she asked the group, "So when do you all want to go to the Alps?"

"Right away would be good," said Zakk. "The sooner we take care of it the better."

"Off to find Ryo-Ohki then!" Chewtoy bounded ahead of everyone, headed to the parking lot where her green Dodge neon, which she had affectionately named Ryo-Ohki after the famous cabbit, was parked.

When they got to the parking lot, Chewtoy raised her arm and called out "Ryo-Ohki!" Just then Chewtoy's car, which was in the parking lot, suddenly morphed into a small brown cabbit and bounded over to meet them. "A few simple modifications I did myself," Chewtoy explained to her friends. "Same car as always, now with morph-ability thanks to science!" The cabbit quickly changed into a car again, and they piled in for the trip.

"Uh, Chewtoy?" Ryan began. "How are we gonna get to the Alps in just your car? Isn't there an ocean in between?"

Chewtoy paused and thought a moment. "You know, I don't have a clue," was her reply.

After an uneventful trip they arrived in the Alps.

"How did we get here?" asked Zakk, looking around. "And how can a trip to the Alps, through an ocean, by car be uneventful?"

"Well I just want to get on with the story," said Chewtoy. "I am the one writing it you know. I didn't want to think too much about the details."

They came upon a village and parked the car on the side of the road.

"It's really cold here!" Chewtoy pointed out. Indeed, three of the four friends were visibly shivering. Zakk, being part dragon, was unaffected by the cold, and in fact he rather liked the snow.

"Here, give me a minute." Chewtoy opened the trunk of the car and pulled out two very warm-looking faux fur parkas. "Well there's only two . . . I'll let you guys use them," she said, handing the parkas to Ryan and Kiwi. Although Ryan was a wolfen, his fur was in its summer phase and therefore could not keep him warm in the wintery conditions. Kiwi had no fur except for that on her ears and tail, and needed the protection more than even Ryan did. Ryo-Ohki then shifted back into cabbit form. The little cabbit proceeded to jump on top of Chewtoy's head and nuzzle her ears affectionately.

Chewtoy then shape-shifted into a very fluffy and rather buff green tiger femme. "There, now I'm warmer."

"Hey, since when could you do that?" Ryan asked her.

"Well you didn't think I'd have a shape-shifting car and not figure out how to shift my own form, did you?" she said pointedly.

"I still can't believe you actually made Ryo-Ohki into Ryo-Ohki," Kiwi said, amazed. She patted the cabbit on the head, and Ryo-Ohki let out a cheerful "meow" of pleasure.

"Time to get down to business," said Ryan. "Where do we start?"

"Should ask the villagers," Chewtoy said. "They're the ones who are troubled the most by this."

With that, they set off into town, knocking on doors and asking the town's inhabitants of the whereabouts of this supposed yeti. Eventually they came upon a purple-furred foxtaur male who proved to be most helpful. He was an elderly foxtaur and his purple fur was tinged with grey. He was wearing a fishing hat and rocking back and forth in a rocking chair. This looked extremely uncomfortable, because let's face it, it was a taur sitting in a normal rocking chair, but he was smiling contentedly. The four friends approached him and asked him about the yeti.

"Sure, I've seen this yeti," the foxtaur said. "Saw him while I was out on a hike. Ten feet tall he was. Snowy white hair. Teeth the size of steak knives. Apparently lives in a cave over to the south of here, could go and have a look. Just a word of warning, he's a fierce one that yeti. Good luck to you." With that, the foxtaur bid them farewell and they thanked him for his help.

The party began walking to the south where the yeti supposedly resided. It wasn't too long before they found the cave. Cautiously the entered, Kiwi and Zakk drawing their katanas, Chewtoy readying her tiger teeth and claws, and Ryan preparing to cast a magic missile if need be. They were ready to defend themselves from whatever they happened to encounter.

Then they spotted the yeti.

"Hey, visitors!" the yeti exclaimed, turning around. He certainly looked like the foxtaur's description, ten feet tall with seven-inch fangs, but his demeanor was completely different from what they had heard and read about. He was extremely cheerful and had a huge grin on his face. "It's been a while since I've had visitors. Come in, stay a while. Have a snow cone." He produced several yellow snow coned from the corner of the cave. Everyone in the group winced at the sight of yellow snow. "Don't worry, it's lemon," he said. "Haha, I sure get that a lot. Can't help it if it's my favorite flavor."

"LEMON!" Kiwi leaped upon the yeti and grabbed a snow cone out of his hand. Despite the size comparison, Kiwi had actually managed to topple the yeti onto the floor when she impacted. She now lay curled up on the yeti's chest, softly purring. "You know, if you added some lime, I'd be yours forever."

"Well I can't say I'm in need of a pet feline, but I'll get it for you anyway," was the yeti's response. Being pinned under Kiwi, he had to stretch to reach the bottle of lime flavoring, and he poured some on Kiwi's snowcone.

"Yay!" Kiwi exclaimed, purring louder and munching on the snow cone.

Zakk accepted the offer of the snow cone and, with a disappointed sigh, he sheathed his katana. "Well, thank you," he said. He had been hoping for the yeti to put up a good fight, but was rather disappointed in the fact that it would not be necessary. Ryan also accepted a lemon snow cone, but Chewtoy, who had always been warned to never eat yellow snow under any circumstances, especially if accepting it from a stranger, was hesitant.

"Uh, you got any bubble gum flavor?" she asked nervously. "Sorry, but I'm really not a big fan of lemon."

"Sure thing," said the yeti, preparing another snow cone, this time being pink.

"BUBBLE GUM!" Chewtoy cried as she leapt on the snow cone as soon as the yeti had finished making it. Unlike Kiwi, who had landed flat on top of the yeti, Chewtoy plummeted right into the wall of the cave, but managed to keep the snow cone safe. Unfazed, Chewtoy began licking the snow cone with much excitement.

"Woah! Easy, tiger! Haha, tiger," the yeti said, amused. "So what brings you little guys out here?" He sat on a rock ledge to enjoy a snow cone of his own.

"Well I got a report about some sort of monster up here in the Alps," Chewtoy said. "Apparrently you're it. But I don't get it. You seem like quite a friendly yeti."

"Could be the yellow snow cones!" said the yeti with a chuckle. "But seriously, folks. I don't know. Maybe because I live out here all alone, and I never go into the village, so people never really get to know me."

"Well, come to the village then," said Ryan. "I'm sure people would calm down once they realize what you're like."

"The village?" the yeti asked. "Oh no, as I said, I never go into the village. There are . . . humans in the village."

"Humans?" Chewtoy asked, surprised.

"Yes, humans," said the yeti. "They're highly toxic. Carry horrible diseases. It's dangerous to even be near them."

Ryan laughed. "There's no humans in the village! They're just about extinct, and anyway, most of them live on the North American continent. You've got nothing to worry about. As for diseases, sheesh! The only diseases they have just affect them."

"Although I don't blame you for being afraid of them," Chewtoy said bitterly. She had read about humans in her ecological studies. "All humans were ever good for was ruining the planet. Of course now they help feed the dragon population." Kiwi glared angrily at Chewtoy, offended since she was half human herself. "Well, some can be okay," said Chewtoy seeing Kiwi's irritated glance. "But for the most part, they're just trouble."

"Mmm . . . human, they taste quite good this time of the year, dreadfully hard to come by though, but oh so good . . ." Zakk said to nobody in particular, continuing to talk to himself about human and their delightful taste and going over recipes to himself. Kiwi bonked Zakk on the head for this and continued to glare at Chewtoy. Zakk ignored this and continued to talk to himself.

"That's not nice, my mommy was a human, so I have a certain fondness for humans." Kiwi pouted.

"So do I," Zakk said nonchalantly.

"I walked right into that didn't I?" Kiwi blinked. Zakk only nodded in agreement

The yeti looked thoughtful for a moment, and then said, "Well, who lives in the village now?"

"Other furries, like us," said Chewtoy. "And we're mostly harmless," she added with a wink.

"Well, lead the way!" The yeti stood up and the five of them walked back to the village.

Their first stop was the foxtaur's house. Zakk knocked on the door and it swung open. As soon as the foxtaur saw the yeti, all of the fur on his body stood straight up and he became a giant puffball.

"Is this your yeti?" Chewtoy asked the puffball.

"Er . . . um . . ." the puffball stammered. "Did you . . . convince him to come?"

"Of course!" Chewtoy said. "He gave us snow cones. He's really quite a nice guy."

This calmed the puffball down slightly, and his fur settled down some, thus changing him back into a foxtaur.

"Pleased to meet you," the yeti said, offering a hand for the foxtaur to shake. Reluctantly at first, the foxtaur shook hands with the yeti, whose grip was rather firm.

"Er . . . pleased to meet you too," the foxtaur said. He had finally calmed down considerably and even gave the yeti a light hug. "Hope there's no hard feelings. I think I told them you were a 'fierce one,' but I guess I was quite wrong about that."

"Ah, s'okay," said the yeti. "A big guy like me, with teeth like these. I think I'd even be afraid of myself at first glance!" To which he looked into a mirror and squeaked in terror before hiding behind the couch.

"Well, I hope this clears things up," said Chewtoy. "And I hope you meet some good friends there in the village!" They said their goodbyes, and Ryan, Zakk, Kiwi, and Chewtoy got in the car and headed back for home.

"Well that was rather anticlimactic," said Zakk. "I was hoping to get a good fight out of that yeti. I think we would have been better off looking for those Vyxens of Myrrh your friend Java met that one time. I mean hey, free vyxens."

"Zakk, why did you just spell 'vixens' with a 'Y'?" Ryan asked.

"Uh . . ." Zakk really didn't know the answer to that. "Hey look, a wolfy treat!" he said as a distraction, producing a strip of bacon from his jacket pocket.

"Ooh, wolfy treat!" Ryan eagerly took the bacon and ate it very quickly.

"'Vyxens' nothing, how come you have bacon in your pocket?" Chewtoy asked, confused.

"Er . . . Oh look, a vegetarian kitty treat!" Zakk then produced a strip of fried tofu from his pocket, and Chewtoy nearly bit his finger off as she ate it straight from his hand.

"Hey, me too!" said Kiwi, having not gotten a treat yet.

"Okay, here we go . . ." Zakk reached into his pocket looking for more treats, but was suddenly pulled into his pocket by the arm. He disappeared for a moment, and then a dead zergling flew out of his pocket. Zakk emerged after it, saying, "Sorry about that. But I got this." He handed Kiwi a bag of wasabi peas.

"Ooh! Ooh! Thank you so much!" Kiwi opened the bag and started eating the spicy dried peas enthusiastically.

"Remember what I said about killing bugs in the car," Chewtoy said, seeing the dead zergling. She had once told her friends that if they killed bugs in the car, that they should either eat them or throw them out the window.

"Oh, right." Zakk rolled down the window and threw the zergling into traffic. He watched in amusement as it hit the windshield of the car behind them. He then proceeded to pull out a can of Spam for himself and a spork to eat it with. Zakk had the power to eat almost anything, and his love of Spam just went to prove this. He once had even dove into the Spring of Drowned Ham Sandwich, to find an old, molded sandwich at the bottom which he had termed "still good."

This was the end of their adventure, and, as always, Chewtoy was stumped about writing a conclusion. "So how do you think I should end this story?" she asked her friends.

"Well 'happily ever after' is the common norm," Ryan suggested.

"I think I'd like to see it end with 'much doom and destruction,'" said Zakk.

"I think your tofu's burning," said Kiwi. And indeed, since Chewtoy had been cooking tofu as she was writing the ending to the story, she had to go check on it. Indeed, it had come out a bit crispy, but not too burnt, and that was how she liked it.

And so, with much doom, destruction, and burning tofu, they all lived happily ever after. Twice.