The Syrus Chronicles: Episode 2 - The Meeting

By: Craig

8/1/01

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"Monotech customer support, Shirley speaking. Please hold!"

Syrus stared blankly at his computer screen, wondering why he had to be subjected to to this abuse five days a week. It was bad enough that Rosie infected his computer with a virus that made his computer crash every time he tried to play asteriods\x85stupid rat. She went too far this time. I'll get her back\x85ooh how I'll get her back!

"Monotech customer support, Shirley speaking. Please hold!"

Syrus' eye twitched involuntarily. Stupid weasel, she's like a damn broken record. What made it worse was the tone in which she said it\x85perking her voice excruciatingly high at the words support and please\x85

"Monotech customer supPORT, Shirley speaking. PLEASE hold!"

Could there be anything more ANNOYING in this god forsaken office building! Syrus balled his fists in frustration, glaring at Monotech's logo flying across his monitor screen. "We Only Take the Best, We Only Make the Best" Irony is cruel at times\x85

"Mmmonnnotech customer supPORT, Shirrrrleyyyyy speaking. PLEEEASE hold!"

"Meheheh\x85cool." Syrus mumbled, letting his understimulated brain alter the sounds and shapes of everything. He slumped forward, expressionless, until his head hit the keyboard. "Oww\x85heheh. Pain hurts\x85heheheh." The sheer lack of excitement had finally taken its toll on Syrus, and he buried his face in the keyboard, laughing for no apparent reason. His computer was making a series of beeps and dings from the keys being flattened by his face.

"Monotech customer supPORT\x85Wah wah wa-wah. WAAH wa!"

"Heeheehee. Funny sounds." He murmured.

Galen strode by his office, hands in his pockets, and did a double take when he saw Syrus with his face flat on the keyboard and his arms hanging by his side. Galen made for Syrus' desk with a dopey grin on his face, pulling a hand out of his pocket and revealing a tiny watergun. Holding back a chuckle, he steadily aimed it at Syrus' ear\x85

::SSSsssssst!::

"Bwah-hahahaha! Right on target! Damn I'm good!" Galen wailed, holding his stomach as Syrus' ear involuntarily twitched.

"Meheheh\x85my ear feels\x85funny. Heheh\x85" Syrus chuckled, not moving from his position on the keyboard. His ear twitched again.

Galen stopped laughing and looked very seriously at his delirious friend. "I think you've been listening to Shirley too long. Damnit man, you should know better than that! Syrus? Syrus! Arrgh!" Galen gave a quick smack to the back of Syrus' head, making it bounce off the keyboard and ceasing the incessant beeping of his computer.

"Unngh\x85hey, that hurt. My pain hurts. Stop hurting, pain." Syrus cracked. Galen slapped the back of his head again, this time with the squirtgun. "Yow! Aright aright I'm sane\x85stupid weasel." Syrus grumbled, looking through the doorway of his cubicle to see the short, eccentric weasel happily chirping into the phone endlessly.

"Yeah, she got you again. I told you Psy, ten minutes is the limit," Galen said, noticing Syrus angrily drying the water from his ear. "Whoops!" he quickly shoved the watergun in his pocket before Syrus noticed.

Syrus glanced suspiciously at Galen, but quickly brushed the issue aside. "Let's get a coffee\x85I need some coffee\x85" he said groggily as he stood up.

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"What's wrong man?" Galen asked his friend, who was staring into his small, styrofoam cup of coffee, completely expressionless. "I mean, I've seen you down, but not like this, and for this long. And you didn't even touch your coffee yet!" Galen added, tapping Syrus' full cup. He swiveled his own cup, nearing the bottom, with his complimentary straw.

After a long pause, Syrus blinked and looked up. "I don't know. I've just been thinking for a while, about how working and living like this can't be what we were meant to do. It just doesn't seem right, ya know?" He swirled his coffee with his straw, trancing over it.

Galen finished his coffee off, eyes fixed at his cup, "I try not to think of that very often, but yea I know what you mean. Don't let it get to you man, cuz you can't change it. We do this because\x85well, we have to. If we all did whatever we wanted to do\x85" Galen trailed off.

"Life would be a hell of a lot better, " Syrus finished. "But we'd all probably be dead soon, because we'd have no money. And money is what rules this world\x85it's so sad sometimes," he grabbed his coffee sharply and downed the whole thing.

"Yea," Galen agreed, pondering heavily over Syrus' words, still not taking his eyes off his coffee. "Let's get going, don't want Carlo breathing down our necks for being late again. I won't be able to handle it today."

Syrus nodded, tossing his empty cup over his shoulder and into the garbage can. He grinned to himself. He'd practiced that every time he and Galen came to the cafeteria to get coffee. Everyday they'd sit at the same table, with the same garbage can in the same place. But then he frowned, realizing that his days had become so repetitive and dull that he had the time to learn exactly where to throw a coffee cup behind his back to get it in a garbage can.

Slumping back at his seat, Syrus was releived to see that Shirley wasn't at her desk, and although he cherished her not being there, he couldn't help but wonder why. Thinking to himself, he noted that he hadn't seen any of his co-workers at their desks, and it was an hour into the work day. He mentally brushed the topic away, focusing on how to remove the virus Rosie put in his computer\x85infernal rat!

He turned his computer on, wiping away the drool on his keyboard left over from his earlier state of delusion.

::You've Got Mail!:: It chirped.

Great\x85what kind of office trash do we have today, Syrus thought. He opened the e-mail:

>>To: Syrus Khats

>>Subject: Mandatory Faculty Meeting

Grrr\x85meetings. The only thing worse than an actual work day is a work day with a meeting. I'd rather listen to a broken record of Shirley's phone calls. He gritted his teeth at the thought and read on:

>>Attention all faculty, a mandatory meeting is to take place today at 8:30 A.M. All >>Staff Must Attend. No exceptions, any unattendee's may be removed of their position >>in Monotech Inc. >>

>>Sincerely, Carlo Pavilotta

"Ack! I'm an hour late for a meeting that could get me fired!" Syrus shrieked, spinning half way around in his chair and dashing for his friend's cubicle to tell him the news. He reached forward with one arm, grabbed the corner of the doorway, and flung himself out of his cubicle.

::FOOMP!::

"Yaaah!!" Syrus wailed as he was sent crashing backwards back into his cubicle.

"Oof!" yowled the assailant, who was equally flying in the opposite direction from whence he came.

Holding his head with one hand and guiding himself up the wall with the other, Syrus managed to get to his feet, swaying in place and looking at the attacker, but barely making him out between spinning eyeballs. "W-why don't you watch where I'm goin' ya creep! I got a meeting to go to!"

"Unngh\x85" Syrus realized it was Galen who had collided with him when he stood up, face mixed with anger and surprise. "Me too ass! That's what I came to talk to you about, till you flung out at me like a madcat!" He stopped and did a mental check, then started again, "I take it you got the e-mail too. We gotta get going, as bad as it may seem, this sounds serious man!"

"You're telling me!" wailed Syrus , bolting past Galen and to the conference room, toppling papers and mugs off employee desks as he ran with his arms flailing about in desperation.

"Wait up Psy! I think I twisted my ankle!" Too late, Syrus was out of sight, all he could hear was him wailing about the end of the his life as he knew it. Clutching the offending ankle, Galen hobbled his way to the conference room, grumbling to himself. "Ow. At this rate, ow, I'll be there in, ow, a day or so\x85"

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"And so, by increasing productivity by two percent, we will have a higher output of manuals and products per month."

"Uh-huh. Now, how many more manuals and products would we have increased by?"

"Umm\x85two percent more than we are currently producing per month?"

"I see, and the value of this two percent in a numeric value would be what?"

"\x85Umm, two hundred and uhh\x85give 'er take some\x85and a couple more than\x85err."

"Ahh\x85I see. Well, someone needs to do a bit of researching next tmie we discuss this, eh?"

"Of course, sir."

::CRASH!::

Syrus bolted through the plexi-glass doorframe, shattering it instantly and sending him sprawling to the ground. Half of the meeting attendee's groggily woke up, the other half stopped playing chinese football, all to stare at the pile of cat morph on the ground.

After about a minute, Syrus sat upright in a kneeled position to look himself over, and after a long pause, he broke the silence.

"OWW!! Owie owie owie owww! Son-of-a-BITCH!" he rang out, noticing the tiny glass pieces worked into his flesh and trickling blood through his work clothes, making tiny red blotches.

A female collie stood up from her chair. "I resent that remark! You couldn't possibly be the son of a canine!" A neighboring employee whispered something in her ear, and she sat back down with an embarrassed look on her face. "Oh, sorry. Well, it's a bad expression anyway!" She crossed her arms and glared at Syrus, who stumbled upright and somehow managed to walk to an empty chair. He sat down and folded his arms on the table, blood spattering slightly as he did so.

"\x85So, onto our next topic," continued a large, bulky rhino, obviously the head of the conference, as he sat in a luxurious, red leather chair at the head of the table, "which concerns our need of more customer support staff. Shirley here cannot take every customer complaint, and we need others who will offer to take a position much like hers. Well?"

After a long silence, a short, stocky tiger morph raised his paw, "Umm\x85I won't."

"Ok\x85that's umm\x85ok. Thank you for your input," said the rhino. "Anybody who does?"

Silence, except for the gagging and wheezing of Syrus, who was coughing up glass chunks on the table. It was not noticed.

"Fine, you're all fired until someone shows just a SCRAP OF INITIATIVE in this office! Can anybody show me that? ANYBODY?"

"I can't," the same tiger said, just before someone came screaming into the office.

"DON'T FIRE ME! I'M SORRY! I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT!" Galen howled as he hobble-ran into the meeting office, stepping on glass shards as he did so. He didn't seem to register the pain, being as overtaken with fear as he was.

"Now there's some initiative!" the rhino bellowed, pointing at Galen, who was slumped over the table with his hands folded in desperation. The rhino hobbled to Galen on short stumpy legs. "You, my boy, are the new customer support employee!" he wailed as he slapped him roughly on the back.

"ACK!" Galen yelped, the slap on the back sending him sliding halfway across the table. "I'm the wha-?"

Syrus coughed up some blood and cleared his throat, "The new custom--the cus\x85" he slunk out of the chair and collapsed onto the floor.

"Is he okay?" the rhino said, scratching his head.

"No," Syrus coughed, "I think I'm dead."

"Really?" the rhino said.

"He can't be dead if he's speaking," the tiger said, "That's not possible."

"Well, if he says he's dead, then I think he must be," the rhino pointed out, "We can't be the judge of his state of well being, and nobody would know if he was dead better than he himself."

"\x85Okay," the tiger said, before sitting down and whispering something to his neighbor that had the word "dumbass" in it. "So, is he dead?"

"Yes, I am very dead indeed," Syrus cackled in between coughing fits in which glass and blood sputtered out of his mouth.

"Well then, a dead employee cannot attend a meeting effectively. Someone escourt him out of here please," the rhino said.

"I will," Galen wheezed, still suffering from lack of breath from the blow to the back.

"You mean all we had to do was die to get out of this meeting?" the tiger morph snarled, banging his fist on the table sharply. "What a jip\x85"

Galen hobbled to Syrus, clutching his leg with one hand, "But first, what do I do again?"

"Customer support staff," the rhino said.

"You're kidding\x85"

" 'Fraid not, now help me up dammit, I'm dead over here." Syrus sputtered.

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Hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

-Craig-