"The ceiling falling in?" I offered.

"No, about the lights."

"What about them?"

"Why'd they go out?" she asked.

"Shh."

"Wha?"

"Shh," I repeated, then whispered, "You never know what lurks in the darkness."

Julia didn't say anything. I could tell she was very specifically not saying anything. I didn't need to see her to know the look on her face.

"Shh. It is dark. We're likely to be eaten by a..."

Then a glow filled the room, coming from the sword, which Julia'd pulled out. She looked down at the ball, lying by her foot, then at me. I grinned at her, then casually rolled the ball back with my foot, and picked it up.

"Can I talk now?" the sword asked, "Since there's no one else nearby."

"What about all the wizards upstairs and downstairs?" I asked.

"These rooms are shielded," the sword said, "What did you expect from the office of a wizard?"

"And how soundproofed are they? They do need to know when there's an explosion, or hear the screams when something goes wrong," I pointed out, "So no bursting out into song or screaming like you have before."

"Yeah, yeah, sure. So where's my manuscript?"

"Yours?" Julia asked, archly, "Excuse me, who wrote the entire thing out, because you don't even have hands?"

"It is my manuscript, I wrote it. You merely transcribed my brilliance," it replied.

"Oh really? And made it readable, you think a split infinitive is a sideways eight chopped in half at the middle!"

"I am a mathematical thinker, I have no time for such fuzzy subjects as language..."

"Ahem, soundproofing?" I interrupted, before they could escalate into a shouting match, "Entertaining as this is, might want to wait until you've actually found the manuscript. Which, by the way, looks like.. .what, exactly?"

"It's a thick stack of papers," Julia said.

"Well, that narrows it down to about," I looked around the office, "three quarters of the stuff in here. Anything more specific?"

"Well, it's got our names on the cover," Julia said.

"Merely because you wrote yours in..." the sword said.

"Anything else about the cover? Color or anything?"

"We hadn't gotten that far yet. Just pinned the pages together. We wanted to see if it was worth publishing, but..." Julia trailed off with a helpless shrug.

"Which it was, naturally," the sword put in.

"As Bombast felt it was worth hijacking," I commented.

So, by the sword's light, we started searching the office. As a note for those who haven't done it, searching a wizard's office for a thick stack of paper when the contents of the room consists of various stacks of paper is, well, not exactly simple. It wasn't on his desk, or in any of the drawers, even the locked ones or the secret one with the trapped lock. "Bah," I commented, on opening the secret drawer, "It's empty. Not even any juicy pictures or anything."

"He probably forgot how to open it," the sword commented as I climbed out from under the desk.

"True. So, um... the filing cabinet?" I asked.

Julia sighed. "I'd hoped to avoid hunting through those."

I agreed with her. Even though the filing cabinets were made of metal, they bulged. We could hear occasional creaks and groans from the mechanisms holding them shut. Paper edges stuck out around the doors. "On the bright side," I said, "From how obsessive the seems to be, Bombast probably has it in a folder labeled 'Manuscripts stolen to publish under my name so I look smarter' or something."

Julia cautiously approached the filing cabinets, and looked at the drawers. "So what letter do you think that would be under, M for manuscripts or S for stolen?"

I walked over and looked. "Let's try M. Might want to stand over to the side," I told her and reached for the lock.

Julia put a hand on my shoulder. "Wait a second. Let me try, I can reach with this," she said, indicating the sword.

"Why me?" it moaned, as Julia carefully poked the tip at the little slide holding the drawer shut.

The slide slid, there was a click, then the drawer shot out of the cabinet, landing with a crash at least three feet away amidst a shower of papers. "Well, let's hope he soundproofed his personal office, I offered, when we uncovered our ears."

"Was that some kind of trap?" Julia asked.

I went over and looked at the drawer. "I don't think so. Just way too many with papers. I grabbed one out of the air. "Form 268.1.a: Request for authorization to supplement inventory of writing utensils. Fill out in triplicate then return to office... A form to get more pencils? In triplicate? The nearby stationery stores must love this stuff. Probably use two pencils filling it out, so the wizards probably go buy their own, rather than fill in these forms."

"Is there anything useful in there?" the sword asked.

"I dunno, lemme look," I said, looking at the titles of the folders, starting at the back.

"Personal vendettas, Penguins, Pencils, Paperwork, Paid Vacation... Nurses, Nuns, Norse, Noon... Metals, Meals, Manuscripts, Stolen, Mannequins, Magic... Wait a second!"

I flipped back a couple folder tabs. "Manuscripts, Stolen," it said. Well, no, the writing spelled that, I read it. But. I pulled that folder out, and opened it up. There, sitting happily inside, was the manuscript, just like they'd described it. I got the feeling if it could, it would be smirking at me. "But I was joking!" I exclaimed.

"You found it! Woohoo!" Julia said, grabbing the manuscript from the folder.

She flipped through it, then announced, "Yep, this is it. We knew you could do it!"

I wasn't paying attention right then. "I bet he's got a folder, labeled 'Money, easily transportable in there," I said, then looked in the appropriate spot. Damnit. These things never work when I want them to.

"We have recovered our rightful property! Now to relish the sight of our defeated enemy!" the sword yelled.

Me and Julia stared at it. "Umm... what?" I asked.

"Err... she's been a bad influence! Stupid barbarian..." it muttered.

Julia glared at the sword and looked ready to respond in kind, so I interrupted. "We're not done yet, so let's save the triumphal fanfares for after we get out. And you two get it published."

"Yeah, okay. I'll have words with you later," Julia said, the last part directed at the sword.

"And BOTH of you be silent, alright? We're sneaking, not hack-slashing. 'Kay?" I asked, as we headed toward the door.

Julia nodded, and put the sword away. I put my hand on the doorknob, and looked back at them, waiting to make sure they'd be quiet, then opened the door and led Julia out onto the landing. I shut the door quietly and let it click locked. Julia was walking to the down stairs when I turned around. "Here, let me see that a second," I said, snatching the manuscript, "I've got an idea."

I sat down and loosened the pins a bit, then slid an extra page I'd borrowed from Bombast's office on top. Julia looked at me oddly, until I finished and held it up. "There. Now if anyone asks, we've got a...'Report on the Long Term Effects of Multiple Transformations on the Morphogenic Field of Reptiles' to deliver somewhere, nothing suspicious about that. As long as you're not a reptile."

Below, a door opened and we heard a couple voices. I went over and stuck my head between the bars of the railing and peered down. Two people were getting on the upward moving staircase. From their clothing, they were definitely wizards, but that was all I could tell from up here. I could probably have guessed that without the robes, considering where we were, but. "Just some wizards," I told Julia, "We just go down, we're across the stairwell from them, act casual."

She looked down at herself, then at me, incredulously. I shrugged. So we got on the down stairs, and acted like we belonged there. Although I'm not sure they could tell that from just my hair peeking over the railing. The wizards on the other stair kept talking, and riding up. "Shoot, where are they going?" I whispered, mostly to myself.

When we were a couple floors away, Julia recognized one of the voices. "That's Bombast!" she whispered hoarsely, "Hide!"