Pairing: Lister/Rimmer
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Angsty sequel to "Hard Light." Rimmer just acquired his hard light drive from Legion, but Lister is in denial about the passionate night they'd spent together.
“It must’ve been a dream,” Lister told himself. Except that he was lying among tangled sheets in the lower bunk – Rimmer’s bunk. “A bloody smeggin’ dream, and I walked in me sleep. That’s all.” He found his t-shirt and boxers among the messy bedding and pulled them on. He could not believe that he had – no, that he had dreamed – about making love to Rimmer. Rimmer! Not only that, but it had been a damn good dream, and amazingly vivid…he could still feel that warm, soft mouth pressed against his. Just a very vivid dream, brought on by Rimmer’s acquisition of a hard light drive and Lister’s intense longing for the touch of another human.
So why was he in Rimmer’s bunk…naked?
“But it had to have been a dream, I’d never, ever do that with Rimmer!” Lister insisted to himself. And the hologram had felt…too real. As amazing as Legion’s hard light drive might be, Lister couldn’t believe it could simulate living flesh to the degree that he had experienced last night. “Why couldn’t I have had a dream like that about Krissie?”
Lister sighed and got to his feet, thankful that Rimmer wasn’t around to see the state he was in. Where was the insufferable smeghead, anyway? Yawning and scratching himself, Lister headed toward the small shower unit. Someone was using it. As he approached, Lister distinctly heard Rimmer’s voice, humming loudly and off-key above the sound of the shower.
“Rimmer!” he called. No answer. He knocked on the door, but again, the hologram seemed not to have heard him. Without even thinking about what he was doing, Lister slid the door open and peered into the small, steamy cubicle.
Rimmer was standing with his back to him, clearly enjoying the feel of the hot water cascading over his newfound substance, his humming interspersed with slurred and incoherent lyrics. The smooth, fair skin glistening under the flow of the water, the muscle definition showing through the flesh, all seemed oddly familiar to Lister.
Wondering why he had opened the door in the first place, Lister hurriedly started to close it, but he was too slow. Rimmer glanced over his shoulder and spotted him. His face was flushed from the hot water.
“Ah, Listy. I see you’ve finally recovered from last night. Care to join me?” Rimmer turned slightly, just enough for Lister to notice that he was very much aroused. Lister panicked.
“You what? What about last night? What the smeg are you on about, Rimmer?”
Rimmer’s smile faded and he switched the shower off. “You mean you don’t remember? How we…made love?”
“Like I would ever make love to you!” Lister retorted, his head spinning. He turned and ran from the living quarters as though being chased by a heat-seeking missile. It was impossible. Abso-smegging-lutely impossible. Surely he couldn’t be that desperate for the touch of another…and Rimmer wasn’t even alive, wasn’t human, wasn’t flesh and blood. He might as well have sex with Kryten!
* * *
Lister returned to the sleeping quarters a few hours later, after trying to kill time…and his thoughts…by playing cards with Kryten and the Cat while the Starbug ran on autopilot. He hadn’t seen Rimmer since the shower incident, but there he was, sitting on the edge of his bunk, his face hidden in his hands. His usual padded blue jacket was gone and he was dressed instead in an old and rumpled khaki uniform that he must’ve dug up out of storage somewhere. He hadn’t even bothered to put on the tie or button the collar – unusual behavior indeed for the excruciatingly anal hologram.
“Rimmer, what’s wrong?” Lister asked casually as he approached the bunks. The hologram looked up and Lister froze, his mouth open. There were tears on Rimmer’s face. Wet lines glistening on his cheeks. And his nose was running.
Lister had never seen Rimmer cry before, not even before he had died…not when he failed the astronavigation exam again, not when he was mercilessly harassed by other crewmembers, not even when Lister had slipped some of his curry into one of Rimmer’s meals. And he had certainly never cried as a hologram…Lister hadn’t realized that a computer simulation composed of light could cry.
Lister fully expected Rimmer to somehow try to hide the fact that he’d been crying, to pretend nothing was wrong, but he didn’t. He just looked at him plaintively, his eyes bleary and rimmed with red. Lister couldn’t control the surge of compassion that compelled him to sit next to the stricken hologram. He tentatively placed a hand on Rimmer’s shoulder, somewhat startled to discover that he did, indeed, feel as warm and lifelike as he had…in that dream.
An audible sob shook Rimmer’s shoulders. “How could you…not remember?” he mumbled into his hands.
Lister rubbed Rimmer’s back soothingly, his brow furrowed with increasing alarm. What if…it hadn’t been a dream? How else could Rimmer know about it? He pulled his hand back and stared into his lap.
“What did I do wrong?” Rimmer choked into his hands, his distress obviously increasing. “Can’t…do…anything…right…” His voice trailed off into a big shuddering sob. Lister watched helplessly as Rimmer’s bawling turned into a bout of uncontrollable hiccups, until at last the hologram stood and staggered over to the loo. Lister could hear him being sick, and he fiddled with his locks, feeling absolutely awful.
* * *
“Kryten, what could be the matter with him?” Lister asked the mechanoid, still stubbornly refusing to believe that his dream could have been real. “Some sort of … holovirus?”
“Well, Mr. Lister sir, if I didn’t know any better, sir, I’d say he was suffering from a broken heart.”
Lister stared at Kryten. His stomach dove into his feet.
* * *
Rimmer was lying in his bunk, curled on his side and facing the wall. His excitement over his new sense of touch, his ability to feel, eat, and do anything else a living human could, had all but disappeared. In fact, he hadn’t eaten all day, and hadn’t even bothered to change his clothes or brush his hair.
“Rimmer…I’m sorry. I thought it must have been a dream.”
The hologram grunted in reply. Lister sat awkwardly on the edge of the bunk, reached over and placed a hand on Rimmer’s shoulder. It hadn’t been a dream. He had really done it. He had made love to Rimmer. And he had enjoyed it.
“Go ‘way,” Rimmer mumbled. Lister ignored him. Instead, he tentatively slipped his hand around the back of Rimmer’s collar and felt the bare skin of the back of his neck. Yes…it felt real. The hard light illusion was good. And now Lister could believe that it had happened. Now, feeling the warm, smooth, yielding flesh of another being, Lister could believe that he had thoroughly enjoyed it. He needed the touch of another human, just as much as Rimmer did. He gently caressed Rimmer’s shoulders and back, sliding his hands under the hologram’s rumpled shirt.
“Stop teasing me,” Rimmer said plaintively, rolling onto his back and regarding Lister with such a hurt expression that Lister gulped.
“Look man, I’m…sorry. I don’t know what else to say. But…I have no regrets.”
“No regrets?” Rimmer echoed. “Do you …mean that?”
“Absolutely. No regrets.” Lister slid over to Rimmer, leaned forward, and placed his lips tentatively on the older man’s mouth. It felt good. As good as he remembered. It wasn’t long before Rimmer’s strong arms were holding Lister close against his chest as he returned the kiss, passionately and desperately.
“I’m so sorry I hurt you,” Lister murmured in-between kisses.
A rare smile broke out on Rimmer’s flushed face. “Then make it up to me.”
“Trust me. I will.”