Chapter I - Frigid:

I had spent the last hour traveling away from the past and my haunting memories in Waterwood. Stumbling northwest, I came across a clearing, fell down drunk, utterly depressed, and waited for the peace of death to claim me.

I started to cry. Even the cool, crisp late autumn air seemed not crisp and refreshing, but like yet another thing in this life out to spite me. It ate through my ruined clothing, chilling me. The ground, hard and cold, was the only constant in my world of chaos. It would never change; it was just as strong and reassuring as it was the day it had formed.

Climbing to my knees, I looked down into a puddle; many filled the clearing that I had stumbled into. They appeared to be filled with mercury, reflecting the dull gray sky and my Lutran figure. I began to study the face I had always been able to call my own. My eyes, red and puffy, glared back at me, my face as it had always been. I ran my hand through the haggard dark brown fur that covered most of my face, and my body, not being an exception, also consisted mainly of it.

It was saved from it's plainness, however, by a streak of light tan colored fur running from the tip of my jaw, all the way down the front of my neck, and down onto my chest and abdomen. That light colored fur also covered my inner thighs, ran up my rear, and along the underside of my tail. My face could be expressive, but after what I had been through, I kept it blank, expressionless. Only my dark hazel eyes revealed what I truly felt. They now openly displayed animosity.

My clothes were reduced to rags; I was a mess. My only escape was the bottle now, which in itself was a trap to a premature death. Death seemed like as good an escape as any, but I still had some sense of hope. It was only a glimmer, but with enough intensity to pierce the gloom surrounding my soul. A sudden peal of thunder startled me, waking me from the depths of thought and back to my surroundings.

I glanced towards the sky and saw the oncoming storm within those gathering gray clouds. Rising as close as I could to a standing position and managing a hunched stagger, I set off to find shelter for the night.

I awoke to my violent shivering; I could hear the cold rain softly falling at the cave entrance from where I lay. Realizing that lying on an ice-cold stone floor was not going to help anything; I tried to rise and slipped on a slick spot on the cave floor, landing face-first into the ground with a sickening crack. Crying out in pain, I watched the blood flowing freely from my nose and lip form a crimson trickle. After a few seconds of being entranced by the sight, I held my hand up to my face plugging my nose, and waited for the bleeding to slow.

The wind made an eerie moaning noise at the mouth of the cave; the cold felt as if it had entered my body and was now manifesting itself there. I knew I needed to warm myself. Not wanting to risk pneumonia or hypothermia, I decided it best to not go out into the rain. I started looking through my stuff, my only possessions: my staff, the two daggers in my belt, a bottle of vodka, some hardtack, an extra shirt, a pair of pants, and my most valuable item, my chain mail. It was cleverly hidden, sewed within a cloak.

Though the cloak was like ice because of the metal within it, I decided it was best for protection against wind and cold once my body heat warmed it. Also grabbing the hardtack, I made a small meal of the remaining, rock hard pieces. Feeling better, I started slowly moving and stretching to get my blood moving. Once I felt well enough to get up and move about, I decided to perform the morning ritual I had not done in so long.

It involved using slow controlled movements and a form of meditation. By clearing my mind, and coordinating my movements. I was soon relaxed and warm. Leaning back against smooth cool cave wall, I began to think. My thoughts, despite how hard I tried, always circled back to what I had let myself become. I hated it when I entered one of my down-periods like this, it seemed like a cycle; I couldn't avoid them. I would be happy and in control of myself, and just when life seemed to be on the right track, I would grow depressed. It usually varied in degrees, and this was one of the worst yet.

They usually ended by now, but then again, having your face banged up, and freezing to death in an icy rain wouldn't improve anyone's mood. I remembered that caves further down usually have a more regular temperature year round, but I was not willing to venture any further into the darkness, I already had enough surrounding my life.

Waiting can be a lonely and boring ordeal, so as to be expected, my mind began to wander, I thought about why had the humans created us; only to then destroy themselves through war? I assumed that mankind had created us in the hope of a better tomorrow. Deciding it best to not get too involved in the subject, I sat down with my back against the smooth rounded wall and began to daydream about love, life, and being happy...

I have to say that though my day spent in the cave was boring and seemed horrible, there will always have been a worse day. Nothing could overcome the three days I had spent in captivity, four years ago... By noon, I had started to come out of my tormented state of mind. I realized this when I started seeing beauty in the frozen wilderness, the rain had frozen over everything, giving it an unworldly glaze.

Not so worried about the present, I began to wonder "What next?" Could I go back to Waterwood and wait out the winter in that ghost town? Or would I do the preferable and travel down to Kalena, and maybe find a job of some sorts.

After all, I did need money and a place to stay. The best job for someone in my situation would be at an inn of sorts, I would be given a small room probably, and with my pay, I would be ready to start traveling again next spring. A gust of wind entered the cave, finding it's way through an opening where my cloak came up a little off the floor. Feeling the gust, I uncurled my leg to block the air.

With a plan for the future, I actually looked forward to tomorrow. The light rain continued for the rest of the day as I took shelter from the elements in the cave. It was well after dark before the soft patter of rain stopped. It was even later that night before I fell asleep and had a strange dream...

"The First Dream"

I am in a small tavern of some sort, except I am not drinking like I normally would do in such a place; instead, I sat at the stool with my head in my hands waiting for someone. The room is heavily laden with smoke and the strange smells one encounters in such a place. The groggy air produces an interesting dimming effect on everything. Trying to think of who I could be waiting for, the only emotion or idea that can be associated with the person is happiness, a peaceful state of mind, and a name “Isis”…

Then, suddenly, I am standing within the ranks of an army; I feel a tension that can only mean that there is a battle soon. I sit for a moment in the ranks, when suddenly my location changes again, I am curled up in a fetal position under a tree somewhere in the woods, it is raining; I was alone, hurt, and crying. The scenes cycled through my mind, faster and faster...

I woke with a start; pre-dawn light reached me within the cave. Fifteen minutes later, the sun started to peep over the horizon. Though last night I had heard the rain stop, the precipitation had not; instead, there was a light snow falling. The world was ice, snow, and filled with a glare from the refracting sunlight. I sighed aloud; my plans now seemed obsolete. I was struck by a sudden thought, mainly brought up by a hunger pain. “What was I going to do?” I didn’t have any food, and my body without energy would lose heat. I would gradually freeze to death. The other possibility was to travel out into the cold and hope that I found a place to recover and then continue my journey to Kalena.

The travel plan held little hope, but staying in the cave provided assurance to a long and painful death. Though I really did not look forward to what lay ahead of me, I put on every article of clothing I had and put everything else I couldn’t wear into my pack. Shouldering my pack and grasping my staff, I hesitated before I stepped out of the cave and into the frozen landscape. Climbing down from where the cave was situated in a rock face, I looked at the sky; it was mostly light gray clouds with specks of a brilliant blue peeking through.

At the bottom of the rock face there was an open area before the woods. Crossing it slowly, I listened to the soft crunch of my feet on the snow. The woods looked tall, cold, and menacing. I paused for a moment to peer into their depths for the lack of underbrush and to glance at the rising sun to the east, then I headed straight into those eerie woods and south to my fate.

The woodland terrain was rocky and filled with little perils easy to overlook, a few times I almost fell into a rocky crevice cleverly hidden by dips and rises in the land. Creeks and streams intertwined making the trek through my home, the woodlands, difficult. There was no wind, only the lifeless woods, and the strange silence that snowfall creates. After a few hours my cloak was still retaining my body heat quite nicely and my only complaint was the hunger I felt. Enjoying the exercise, I started to softly give voice to a few poems, making them up as I went.

“There is a beauty that I see,

As I look into the snow.

There is calmness within me,

Its source I wish to know.

As I taste the snow-filled air,

I feel as if I care…

What happens to me?”

Then I started thinking in an increasingly morbid manner…

“Light and dark, they grow blurred.

As I am lost in this shapeless cold.

Image distorted, figures unknown,

I am afraid…”

“Alcohol ridden; lost in hate,

I am unsure of my fate.”

A haiku…

“Frigid darkness; lost,

the snowflakes wander about,

and asunder, down.”

I had been walking along a ridge when some movement caught my eye. I crouched down, and scanned the tree line to my right for more movement. After a moment or two, about 30 yards away, a creature hidden beneath a light gray cloak darted behind a snowdrift. I silently, and still crouched, ran towards the trees a little ways behind it in hopes that I could sneak up on it. I was a good 50 feet or so behind it when the creature darted towards another tree for cover; it was heading southwest.

I started creeping up to where I had last seen it disappear. I could see it clearly, hiding behind a tree, when suddenly as if by fate, it looked back. I caught a glance; it had the face of a Lutran. Instantly she turned to run. I realized that I must’ve appeared a threat creeping up on her like that so I called out

“Hey, wait up!” She hesitated and then asked me in a demanding tone, “What business do you have in these woods?” she faced me as she spoke.

“I am merely a traveler” I replied honestly, before telling her my name and raising the hood of my cloak. “I’m Diego Moongale, and I mean you no harm. Instead I ask for advice.” She raised her hood, and with a look of curiosity on her face responded,

“I’m Kacir, and what does this weary traveler wish to know?”

I smiled,

“I’d like to know how to get to Kalena from here.” She stood there for moment thinking,

“Follow me.” I jogged to catch up.

“Has there been trouble in these woods lately?” I inquired.

“Actually there has been, Sardarn bandits have been attacking anyone who dares to venture out in small groups or alone… How did you know?”

My grin broadened.

“You were trying not be seen.”

We traversed the frigid landscape, for we had decided it was best to travel together for safety’s sake. Kacir giving me a curious glance told me

“Could you escort me home? It's kind of nice to be able to travel with at least a little security. From there, I could give you better directions, and possibly some necessities."

With a gracious tone of voice, I told her

"Sure, I need a place to be going to anyways." She took the lead, her stride was confident, though she made it timid and graceful enough so she was easy to overlook in a crowded place or in a group of people. I noticed that even in the snow, her footprints were shallow. Her tail lay limp, leaving a shallow trail of it's own in her wake.

Now that she had her cloak pulled away from her face, I could see her facial features distinctly. Her eyes were a crystal clear, emerald green; her light auburn fur was short and had a dull glow whenever we passed through patches of bright sunlight revealed by the clouds. Her head was sleek and frail looking, I was surprised, she had appeared... I guess tough in a sense, for she held her head up, and had a look of concentration while she walked. What a character I thought to myself.

I focused on the ground ahead of me, on the snow that I was about to crunch down. I was thinking of a new poem when a shout, startling me, broke the silence. I snapped my head up and looked around in bewilderment, looking over I saw Kacir with the same expression. I quickly reached to the back of my belt hidden within my cloak, and drew my two daggers. I was scanning the forest around me when I heard a gruff voice say

"Lower your weapons, we mean no harm."

Responding to the apparently empty woods around me,

"Show yourselves, and exactly how many is we?" The same voice broke out into laughter,

"Fine... have it your way." I heard the noise of a crossbow being released to my right; I had only enough time to instinctively turn before a bolt hit me just below the ribs. Hunched over I fell to my knees and then the ground. Kacir jumped what three or four steps away she was and grabbed me by the shoulders.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a frightened voice, but I couldn't respond for I was still gasping for breath.

"I'll do the same to you if you don't stand over by that tree to your right." She hesitated,

"Go" I gasped. She obediently went over and stood by the tree, after a moment or two; I had managed to rise to a hunched position and was still gasping for air when a Sardarn stepped out from his hiding place.

"Hehehe, what do we have here?" he chuckled in a wickedly happy voice. He was a bandit, with clothes that were ragged. His teeth were a sight, almost matching the sneer on his face. The damn thing smelled strongly of liquor as he brushed past me. He commanded of Kacir, “Lay everything of value on you on the ground in front of you”, he stood facing her, acting like she should be cowering before him. She looked to me, I nodded my head, Go ahead, just wait for the right moment.  I laid down again, and avoided drawing attention to myself; I was soon forgotten entirely by the filthy creature.

She reached within her cloak and removed a small pouch full of coins and threw them into the snow in front of her. I was laughing inside my head, she realized what needed to be done, and was acting very timid and shy, her head was pointed to the ground, and she slumped her shoulders.

"O-okay, j-just don’t hu-hurt me..." she stuttered acting every bit her character she was to play. As we both expected, the vagrant became more cocky. He smiled as though he had just had a sudden great idea, and whispered menacingly, something to Kacir that caused a flash anger to travel through me.

No one should speak to anyone that way. Still staying in character, Kacir gently shook her head no, and to my surprise, he suddenly smacked her across the head with the butt of his crossbow. She fell onto one knee grasping her head, he yelled "Now you stupid whore!” The instant he hit her, I had jumped to my feet. Lunging forward with both my daggers, I impaled him in his lower back and left shoulder.

Shuddering for a second, he fell down dead; blood flowed freely from where I had stabbed him. Staining my hands, and the snow a bright crimson. Throwing my daggers aside, I turned around to Kacir. Not even thinking, I pulled her to me and hugged her.

"Are you okay?" I asked after a moment of comforting her. I heard her chuckle,

"Well, if you would stop smothering me, I would be just fine."

"Oh... I'm sorry." embarrassment welled up in me. Almost as if she could read my thoughts, Kacir quickly replied,

"I needed that though.” There was a bit of blood trickling from the side of her mouth where he had hit her.

"That's going to swell up horribly, want me take a look at it?" I said indicating her mouth. Wiping her mouth across her arm, she said

"It's ok. Just busted open; what are we going to do about him?" she pointed to the creature I had just killed.

"I guess we might as well see if he has anything of use on him, and then I'll bury him." Kacir looked surprised,

"Bury him? He's a piece of vermin!" I sighed,

"I know, but a. he'll smell once the ice thaws, and besides, I killed him, and therefore I'm responsible for cleaning up the mess I made."

"Okay, I'll go over and wait on that log over there."

"Wait, please hold onto this for me." I handed her my pack. She took it over and sat down. I had started to dig with through the snow in a crevice with my hands, when I heard a gasp from Kacir, "How are you still alive?" She asked suddenly. Apparently in the drama, she had forgotten about me being shot.

"Oh, you mean this?" I smiled as I jerked the bolt from the hidden chain mail in my cloak. "How the..." I could clearly tell she didn't understand.

"Look, come here." She walked over and stood next to me. "See" I pushed on the inside of where the bolt had torn through the cloth, a few shiny metal chain links showed.

"That's incredible!" she cried, clearly delighted.

"I thought so, but I better get back to work."

"Oh, right." she wondered back over to the log. I found several small sacks of silver Tarkens on the corpse. I could scare go near him from the stench.

"You'd have thought he would at least have the courtesy to bath, ugh." Continuing my search, nothing else turned up but a rusty old dagger, and a few bolts in his ragged vest. I picked up my loot, along with the crossbow, and sat them over by Kacir; walking back to the dead rat, I started to dig with his rusty dagger. It was long and tiresome process, digging the rodent's grave in the rock hard ground. Regret and disgust filled me, and by the time I was finished digging I felt sick to my stomach. Kacir was slumped against the log lying in the snow. I dragged the corpse to its grave, and covered him with dirt and snow.

The sun had started its downward decent hidden by clouds, in the western sky. I picked up the bolts and money lying on the ground, and put them in my pack, which Kacir had dropped in her slumber. I crouched down to shoulder the crossbow when I glanced up into her face. I paused… I saw her normally rigid features relaxed; she seemed like the type of person who could only find solace in their sleep. I rose and decided to wait to wake her; I wanted to have a few moments to myself. Wow, my life has taken a big turn in the past few days. I now have what one could consider a friend, and there’s so much happening at once. I stood with my face to the clouds thinking.

“Hey Diego, you done?” Kacir was awake again.

“Yeah, if we’re close enough to your home, let’s finish the trip, if not we better find a suitable place to set up camp.” A slight breeze stirred and a light snow started, the chill was sudden and brief.

“Because there might be another storm tonight.” she sarcastically muttered something along the lines of

"Oh joy." but I didn't quite catch it; I stepped back and let Kacir take the lead.

After just about two hours of walking southeast, the wind was gashing, cutting through exposed holes in our clothing, and the snow was like little needles of ice, also stabbing. Visibility was terrible, I was surprised at how such a storm could come up so quick. I shouted to Kacir indicating a small overhang to my right, for we were walking in a frozen creek bed. She nodded her head with a look of relief; the wind started to howl. I clambered over some rocks into the opening.

The wind instantly dropped in volume and intensity; reaching out my hand I helped Kacir in. I was situating myself when a shot of white hot pain went through my midriff. I clenched my teeth, and waited for it to pass. Shit, I thought, I need to get something to eat soon, I had completely forgotten about not having eaten, because my stomach had shrunk, assuaging the pain. I felt something grab my shoulder, I looked over and saw her looking at me with concern,

"It’s okay." I assured her "Just need to get something to eat tomorrow." She relaxed; the rocks pressing against my backside were rough and pointed. I shrugged to get comfortable. I curled up into as tight as a ball as possible, and tried to warm myself up. A shudder went down my spine though not from the cold; it was one of those things that happened at strange times for no apparent reason.

I was wide awake one moment; in the next my eyes heavy, and within a few minutes I was out. The cold my lullaby. Of that night, there is only one time I can remember waking up, and it was when Kacir huddled up next to me for warmth and I, numbed by the cold, embraced her.